UK Politics

Sachet of cocaine sues Michael Gove for breaching Non-Disclosure Agreement

Tories to offer free cocaine to every household in Britain

November 15, 2019

The Labour party rocked the General Election campaign last night by announcing it would provide all households in the UK with internet broadband without charge. This morning the Conservatives have quickly struck back by declaring its drawing up plans to give everyone free cocaine.

Tories to ensure 50% less immigration by sawing immigrants in half!

Tories to ensure 50% less immigration by sawing immigrants in half!

November 15, 2019

The blues have come up with a rather novel approach to immigration. All immigrants are to be sawn in half on arrival in the UK thus halving immigration. This has immediately been criticised by the right as it will double the number of immigrants. But the Conservative centre allay these fears by pointing out that sawing in half is, in most cases, fatal.