Medical experts confirmed Dominic Cumming, the architect of the current political catastrofuck, is in fact, self-isolating, after developing symptoms of becoming a total cunt.
NHS and social care staff will be given free car parking during the Coronavirus outbreak. The news comes after 400,000 people signed a petition urging the government to thank NHS workers by scrapping charges. And not because the fucking government actually give a shit about the people that are at the forefront of the fight against Coronavirus.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has tested positive for coronavirus. This has led the nation’s scientists to confirm that coronavirus symptoms can now infect more body parts than previously thought. Symptoms can be found primarily in the chest and lungs, but this is now proof that symptoms can also manifest in arseholes, no matter the size.
After testing positive for Corona virus, Boris Johnson urged people to heed advice to self-isolate. Ideally from a well equipped Smeg fridge. “I’ve always found the 6 by 3 foot Smeg to be a space of great comfort whenever Andrew Neill is in the area or whenever Cummings is in one of his ‘bitey’ moods. I’d say it’s ideal for riding out this emergency.”