Nature

Climate change won’t make us stupider – says man who is already quite thick.

December 10, 2018

Rising levels of carbon dioxide could cause a decline in the brainpower of workers around the world according to new research by academics at University College London.

This comprehensive study has been roundly dismissed by a man, Terry Sand, who reckons ‘it’s probably fine’ and ‘nothing to worry about.’ Terry has no evidence to back up his claims but luckily he’s living in an age where that doesn’t seem to matter even slightly.

Get out, you’re bird! Shitfaced seagulls target Taunton

July 6, 2018

Nearly 30 of the birds have been found drunk and disorderly in the area in recent weeks. A spokesgull responded: “What the fuck are you talking about mate? You come round here talking shit? You’re asking for trouble. What were we talking about? You’re my best mate. Got any chips?”.