Health secretary Matt Hancock has tested positive for coronavirus. However, fears that other members of the cabinet may fall victim to the pandemic have been eased by Home Secretary Priti Patel bullying the virus as she took it’s dinner money, before giving it a wedgie.
Home Affairs
PM receives millions of “Get Well Soon” cards as Nation realises Raab could take over
March 27, 2020Prime Minister Boris Johnson has tested positive for coronavirus. And the Nation’s mood quickly changed from shock to fear as they realised that the person designated to take over from Mr Johnson is non-other than Dominic Raab.
House of Lords wakes to find London deserted
March 27, 2020Members of the House of Lords have today awoken to find most of London completely deserted, like they’re the protagonist in an apocalyptic thriller, which is what they all believe anyway.
Method acting gone too far, as Casualty and Holby City come to aid of NHS
March 25, 2020It has been announced that Casualty and Holby City will donate equipment from their sets to the NHS to help out during the Coronavirus crisis. Nobody has yet questioned if equipment from make believe land is suitable in a real life medical environment.
Self-employed urged by Government to watch “I, Daniel Blake”, as a COVID-19 Universal Credit education film.
March 24, 2020The Chancellor Rishi Sunak announced “unprecedented” package of measures that would see companies receive grants to pay their PAYE workers 80% of their salaries However for the self-employed and those not covered by the package, the Government has advised the watching of the 2016 Ken Loach movie “I, Daniel Blake” to familiarise those wishing to take advantage of more generous Universal Credit qualifications and other state benefit packages.
Jeremy Corbyn asks Boris to ‘tone down the socialism’ as it’s making him uncomfortable
March 22, 2020Jeremy Corbyn has asked Boris to tone down his incredible acts of socialism as it’s making him look as right-wing as the Koch brothers.
“Coronavirus Debt Sets You Free” says Iain Duncan Smith
March 19, 2020Iain Duncan Smith has rejected suggestions that workers should be given a universal basic income during the coronavirus pandemic. And in justifying his decision, IDS has suggested that not enough people in this country have experienced the joyous freedom that crippling debt can bring the individual.
Man with a LITERAL spaceship sad the government won’t give him any money.
March 19, 2020Branson, a Bee Gee that hates Karl Marx, has asked for emergency loans from Whitehall in order to keep his Virgin Atlantic business afloat, while selflessly ordering his employees to go on 8 weeks of unpaid leave.
Andrex puppies forced to work overtime to keep up with demand
March 19, 2020With panic buying sweeping the nation amidst the Coronavirus pandemic, items including soap, pasta and toilet roll are particularly in…
Supermarkets overwhelmed by giant crowds taking photos of empty shelves
March 16, 2020UK stores have been besieged by crowds of shoppers panic buying canned food, toilet paper, and cleaning shoppers, and are now being overwhelmed by crowds of people taking photos of those empty shelves to post on social media.
