Boris Johnson has said he will run for the Conservative Party leadership after Theresa May stands down. The comments mark…
“We want to show Dot’s decline into extreme activism”, Kris Green stated at a press launch today, “At first it will be simple things like installing a smart meter, or using eco-friendly washing liquid, but we’ll quickly introduce more alarming actions, such as planning a pop-up skate park in Albert Square, eventually leading up to Dot supergluing herself ‘Kath’s Café’ in a rabid vegan protest”.
ITV has suspended The Jeremy Kyle show after a guest died shortly after filming. It is also conducting a review into the episode “given the seriousness of this event”. The broadcaster took Monday’s show off air and replaced it with a repeat of Dickinson’s Real Deal. The government hopes the show will be back on TV soon as they say ‘it is the best way of getting people out of the home and into work.’
Excited weather forecasters announced that temperatures in the UK will exceed those in Sicily next week, but once again fail to understand that that low 20s is not actually ‘hot’. This has been an ongoing issue in weather reporting, disclosing a fundamental gap between the education and training of UK weather forecasters and those of their European counterparts.