Historian Sir Hew Strachan has called for National Service to be re-introduced in a special MoD Commissioned Report. The professor argues that reintroducing National Service will provide a much-needed connection between the military and the general public, especially as he is now too old to be considered himself and has enjoyed an entire adult life without fear of being conscripted.
Home Affairs
Government donates Theresa May for use in coronavirus vaccine experiments
April 21, 2020Former prime minister Theresa May has been handed over to scientific research as part of the battle to defeat Covid-19. The selfless gesture was made by the Conservative Party as it desperately tries to actually achieve something useful in the fight against the global pandemic.
Government holds raffle exclusively for NHS workers with PPE uniform as 1st prize
April 17, 2020Starting in May, a monthly raffle will be held exclusively for doctors and nurses. The first prize is going to be a complete body kit of Personal Protection Equipment (PPE).
Test Target to be reached by improving Supply Chain, Reagent Production and Lying
April 4, 2020The UK Government is aiming to carry out 100,000 coronavirus tests a day in England by the end of April. Health Secretary Matt Hancock stated that although challenging, by improving the supply chain and finding new sources of reagent chemicals, this target would be entirely possible by lying.
Priti Patel keeps Coronavirus at bay by taking it’s dinner money and then giving it a wedgie
March 28, 2020Health secretary Matt Hancock has tested positive for coronavirus. However, fears that other members of the cabinet may fall victim to the pandemic have been eased by Home Secretary Priti Patel bullying the virus as she took it’s dinner money, before giving it a wedgie.
PM receives millions of “Get Well Soon” cards as Nation realises Raab could take over
March 27, 2020Prime Minister Boris Johnson has tested positive for coronavirus. And the Nation’s mood quickly changed from shock to fear as they realised that the person designated to take over from Mr Johnson is non-other than Dominic Raab.
House of Lords wakes to find London deserted
March 27, 2020Members of the House of Lords have today awoken to find most of London completely deserted, like they’re the protagonist in an apocalyptic thriller, which is what they all believe anyway.
Method acting gone too far, as Casualty and Holby City come to aid of NHS
March 25, 2020It has been announced that Casualty and Holby City will donate equipment from their sets to the NHS to help out during the Coronavirus crisis. Nobody has yet questioned if equipment from make believe land is suitable in a real life medical environment.
Self-employed urged by Government to watch “I, Daniel Blake”, as a COVID-19 Universal Credit education film.
March 24, 2020The Chancellor Rishi Sunak announced “unprecedented” package of measures that would see companies receive grants to pay their PAYE workers 80% of their salaries However for the self-employed and those not covered by the package, the Government has advised the watching of the 2016 Ken Loach movie “I, Daniel Blake” to familiarise those wishing to take advantage of more generous Universal Credit qualifications and other state benefit packages.
Jeremy Corbyn asks Boris to ‘tone down the socialism’ as it’s making him uncomfortable
March 22, 2020Jeremy Corbyn has asked Boris to tone down his incredible acts of socialism as it’s making him look as right-wing as the Koch brothers.
