Ryanair’s British pilot union is to ballot members on possible industrial action. Whilst the impact of strike action is being considered, it seems the most effective way to damage Ryanair’s reputation is to fly every flight, every day ensuring all customers receive the ‘unique’ Ryanair experience.
Home Affairs
Money launderers and criminals asked to pick new £50 note design
July 16, 2019Computer pioneer Alan Turing will feature on the design of the Bank of England’s new £50 note. The decision was made after consultation with money launderers and criminals who are the only people who actually ever use – or have even seen – them.
Trump threatens to meet Darroch outside after school and give him a good kicking.
July 10, 2019Sir Kim Darroch, UK ambassador to the US has resigned after Trump called him a pompous fool following Darroch calling the president ‘inept’. Not content with the resignation Trump passed a note to Darroch telling him to meet him behind the sports hall after school as he was going to get a good kicking.
Teens less likely to use cannabis if it’s legal – prefer crack or crystal meth
July 9, 2019With cannabis available in high school tuck shops in those states, it seems some young people have turned elsewhere to get their hit of illicit drugs. Teachers now only approach Smoker’s Corner in pairs and with special boxes to collect discard needles.
Amber Rudd hires Nigerian prince to investigate internet universal credit claimants scam
July 9, 2019Tens of millions of pounds of public money is believed to have been stolen with claimants left owing hundreds after fraudsters targeted Britain’s main welfare benefit, universal credit. The Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Amber Rudd, has reassured claimants that she will get all the money back after hiring an internet crime specialist to investigate, a Nigerian prince called DI Kate Fleming.
Jeremy Hunt to make ‘blood sports’ Olympic Sports if elected
July 4, 2019“There are thousands of Tory supporters, currently voting for their new leader, champing at the bit every weekend, wanting to exercise their right to rip an animal apart by using a rabid pack of hounds” said Hunt.
Cash-strapped councils launch crowdfunding campaigns to maintain basic services
July 2, 2019“For only £1,000 you can get your bins collected once a month helping you to avoid plague, pestilence and death. For £5,000 a pothole of your choice within half a mile of your home will temporarily be filled in. We’ll even throw in disruptive traffic lights in an area where no actual work is being completed.”
Wombles on the run as Wimbledon Prowler jailed for 14 years
June 23, 2019A serial burglar dubbed the “Wimbledon prowler” has been jailed for 14 years after pleading guilty to 26 offences. After seeing the headline on yesterday’s papers, the Wombles are said to have gone on the run.
BBC allow public to pay TV licence fee directly to Romesh Ranganathan.
June 21, 2019A spokesman for the BBC told us “Of the 413 TV shows currently broadcast across the BBC network Ranganathan hosts 400 of them, it’s just easier if members of the public pay their £154.50 to him directly and in turn he will pay his mum.”
Scots hunting for new national pastime after drop in alcohol sales
June 20, 2019Sales of alcohol in Scotland last year dropped to the lowest level since recording began in 1994. This is thought to be in part due to the introduction of minimum pricing in May 2018. This has led to a desperate scramble in Holyrood to find a new national pastime.
