The Yellowhammer documents reveal that 10 plagues will be set upon the UK ‘in a reasonable worst case scenario’ for no-deal Brexit, including locusts, boils and much higher taxation for the impoverished.
Home Affairs
Boris Johnson denies lying about lying about lying about lying
September 13, 2019PM Boris Johnson has denied about lying to the Queen about the suspension of Parliament. The Prime Minister has also denied lying about lying about lying to the Queen, “I think that’s right”, he muddled, “Cummings has just told me if we keep the depth of admissions on lying to an odd number, we should be OK”
Fireman Sam axed as brigade mascot for being ‘non-inclusive’. Will be replaced by a writhing mass of men and women of different races, religions, and attitudes towards arson.
September 12, 2019Lincolnshire Fire and Rescue Service have axed Fireman Sam as their mascot, saying that the character was outdated and non inclusive. The character will instead be replaced by a writhing heap of human bodies.
Queen facing six months to a year, for unlawfully suspending her Parliament
September 12, 2019The recent five week suspension of the UK Parliament is unlawful, Scotland’s highest civil court has ruled. And as the final endorser of the Government’s prorogation proposal, Her Majesty could be looking at a custodial sentence, once someone clever works out what laws have been broken, by whom and what the sentencing guidance should be.
House collapses after Brit Family and European neighbours fail to reach an agreement…
September 12, 2019The Brit has stated that the previous tenant built the foundations of the house and it was destined to fail but in his hands it will not falter. The European on the other hand has grown a little tired of it all and like the estate agency just wants it all to be over. But that does not mean he will back down without a fight.
Man who spent £30,000 to fight £100 speeding ticket “definitely voted leave” says world.
September 11, 2019A man claims he spent £30,000 of life savings to fight a £100 speeding fine. It is believed that every human being who read the story, rolled their eyes and muttered ‘This guy definitely voted to leave’.
MPs having a right laugh voting down every single Boris plan
September 10, 2019Single-handedly having decided to lose his own majority in an attempt to force an election, now the MPs won’t let him have an election, and are looking forward to denying him everything he ever wanted now he’s reached the only achievement he’s ever really wanted
LAW-XIT: Javid proposes new anti-law law to make law breaking legal!
September 10, 2019It is rumoured that in order to bypass the law (which, like most laws it is illegal to break) which demands they have to force an extension, he will propose a new law making illegality legal This frees up all kinds of new possibilities for the tories.
Migrant’s attempt to escape UK in car roof box fails
September 6, 2019Sammy de Souza, a refugee from war torn Syria had arrived in London mid 2016 and was granted asylum. After three years of Brexit madness, he requested a visa to return home but was denied. Sammy had enough, deciding to take his chances and make a run for it.
Tory MEPs also back Brexit Delay – to facilitate one last year of easy access to Strasbourg’s delightful Christmas Market.
September 5, 2019“Extending Article 50 is the sensible thing to do, in order to fully address the backstop issue, take no-deal off the table and enable MEPs to have full access to duty free champagne for annual the Christmas run”
