Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston were briefly reunited at the SAG awards this week. This caused celebrations among older millennials who stopped believing in love and happiness after the couple divorced fifteen years ago. However what seemed an innocuous blast from the past has caused another group of losers to celebrate: Remainers.
Entertainment, Art & Culture
Unemployment figures rise again as London Firm announce two more job losses.
January 20, 2020No worries though for Diamond Geezer Harry Boy he’s already pimp..er touting his wife to Disney for voice overs of reboots of The Non-Aristocats..The Prince and The Pauper, plus the one all Hollywood is talking about the blockbuster of a movie made at a staggering cost of £2.4million… The Princess and The Frog-more Cottage.
Channel 4’s ‘Countdown’ Clock To be Used To mark Brexit
January 18, 2020A clock counting down to the moment the UK leaves the EU on 31 January will be projected on to Downing Street as part of government plans to mark Brexit Day.
“No female Bond” say Producers, as “52% of the UK would call her a drunk slag”
January 17, 2020Bond fan, Gammon and Twitter misogyny enforcer, Barabus Valentine, 52, said, “ A woman who drinks excessively, then drives under the influence before sleeping around that much is nothing but an irresponsible slut. “She probably wouldn’t be a very good spy anyway, as she’d be in the chemist every single day getting morning after pills.”
Ageing White Men agree that Ageing White Men make the best films
January 15, 2020It’s unanimously agreed, by ageing white men, that ageing white men are still at the vanguard of the movie industry and dominating the Oscar nominations, as they have done since 1929. Ageing White Men simply make the best movies.
ITV commission new ‘Love Island’ spin off, ‘Celebrity Skull Island’.
January 13, 2020Celebrity Skull Island will find a bunch of sexy single celebs stranded on the titular island, where they will not only be looking for love, but trying to avoid being killed the plethora of ungodly creatures that populate the Island.
Dominic Cummings to use extra MPs time off in order to pursue his goal of trying to kill Harry Potter.
January 11, 2020MPs will get an extra month away from the Commons this year compared to 2019. This is great news for Dominic Cummings who, when not being a Chief Special Adviser to the Prime Minister, is obsessed with his goal of killing famed boy Wizard Harry Potter.
Harvey Weinstein down to just 50/50 as Judge rebukes his ‘Phone a Friend Lifeline’
January 8, 2020The second day of Harvey Weinstein’s rape trial in Manhattan kicked off with sparks flying as the judge threatened to slap the movie mogul in jail for using his cellphone in court.
TV medium Derek Acorah dies. Immediately announces plans to resurrect his career.
January 4, 2020Television medium and psychic Derek Acorah has died aged 69. Within minutes of the announcement he sent a message from beyond the grave to confirm he’ll be relaunching his career soon.
Mrs. Brown’s Boys new year’s special expected to destroy the entire Good Friday Agreement.
January 2, 2020The episode was apparently the final straw between Irish and British relations, and the abysmal quality of it is expected to cause serious damage to the long standing Good Friday Agreement.
