David Cameron’s autobiography will be published next week, directly into a charity shop near you, his publisher has announced.
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The naturalist took to the stage on behalf of BBC’s The Blue Planet which won the award for Best Factual Programme, to murmurings of ‘Hasn’t Max Headroom let himself go?’ But once he began speaking and the assembled celebs felt their skin crawl and their ears bleed, they twigged who he was and began to boo loudly.
An increasingly isolated Boris Johnson’s deranged screams could be heard throughout commons as he desperately tore apart the seats in commons searching for the votes necessary to stage a general election. It is understood his frenzied mania only paused briefly as he stopped to sniff the section Rees-Moog had lay down in.
Amazon has apologised for sending out some pre-ordered copies of The Testaments, Margaret Atwood’s follow-up to The Handmaid’s Tale. And, to the annoyance of many Brexiteers, Amazon have also been found to have delivered all the benefits of Brexit to their Prime customers before the official delivery date.