To replace the black hole in lost future tax revenue, the Government has entered a ten year pay per view deal with Sky Sports to televise Pensioner Russian Roulette. Sponsors will include BET 1440, whose front man Peter Mandelson will give the latest odds during commercial breaks.
Entertainment, Art & Culture
Actor James Corden was spotted in the town of Barry in Wales, where he is currently filming the Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special. This coincides with media expert reports that there will be no recorded footage or photographic evidence for the next few decades that will not feature James Corden’s face in them.
“I’ve been married to Melania for years now and I have been the best husband to her, bigly, but she hasn’t touched ‘little Donald’ in ten years so it is time to ditch her and get a new wife, and Katie Hopkins is the obvious choice. I can also make her the UK’s ambassador to the US at the same time. I am so darn smart.”
Theresa May boogied away at the Henley festival, showing her famously awkward dance moves to Abba hits ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘Mamma Mia’ Later on however, she came into her own, blowing everyone away with her mind-blowing grime moves. Young persons then whoop and cheered as she stripped down to her bikini, amazing everyone with her twerking and podium work.
“I’m sure Willy Wonka the rest of the Oompa-Loompas would welcome him back with open arms. At the end of the day, he’s a weird looking, self-obsessed creepy narcissist who couldn’t give a damn about the well-being of the children in his care, and so is Willy Wonka. They’ll get on like a house on fire.”