David Cameron’s autobiography will be published next week, directly into a charity shop near you, his publisher has announced.
Entertainment, Art & Culture
Fireman Sam axed as brigade mascot for being ‘non-inclusive’. Will be replaced by a writhing mass of men and women of different races, religions, and attitudes towards arson.
September 12, 2019Lincolnshire Fire and Rescue Service have axed Fireman Sam as their mascot, saying that the character was outdated and non inclusive. The character will instead be replaced by a writhing heap of human bodies.
Chris Packham booed, as audience realise he’s Chris Packham
September 11, 2019The naturalist took to the stage on behalf of BBC’s The Blue Planet which won the award for Best Factual Programme, to murmurings of ‘Hasn’t Max Headroom let himself go?’ But once he began speaking and the assembled celebs felt their skin crawl and their ears bleed, they twigged who he was and began to boo loudly.
John Bercow lined up for next host of BBC Radio 4’s “Just A Minute”
September 10, 2019John Bercow says he will stand down as Commons Speaker and MP at the next election or on 31 October, whichever comes first. And BBC executives have failed to deny that the current (for now) Speaker of the House of Commons, is being lined up as the next host of BBC Radio 4’s ‘Just Minute’
Ofcom enforces new guideline requiring broadcasters to meet diversity quota of ‘At least one Romesh Ranganathan’ per show.
September 9, 2019“We constantly strive for broadcasters to highlight diversity, and we are still seeing far too few shows without any Romesh Ranganathan at all.” said the regulator.
Amber Rudd quits the government in failed bid to replace Jamie Laing on Strictly
September 8, 2019if she did sign up for the ‘do or die’ pact, this begs the question; why did she really leave? Late last night the truth emerged when she was seen storming out of the BBC clasping a half empty bottle of Prosecco, mascara running down her tearful face.
Sylvester Stallone sues studio for refusing to title 5th Rambo movie ‘Rambo number 5’.
September 7, 2019“I was adamant it be called ‘Rambo number 5’. The only reason I agreed to do the movie was so we could call it that. If you have an opportunity like that, you’d be insane not to take it.”
“My precioussssssss!!!” Howls Johnson as Labour steals his snap election from the dark depths of parliament
September 7, 2019An increasingly isolated Boris Johnson’s deranged screams could be heard throughout commons as he desperately tore apart the seats in commons searching for the votes necessary to stage a general election. It is understood his frenzied mania only paused briefly as he stopped to sniff the section Rees-Moog had lay down in.
Top Psychics and Mediums to channel the “Carry On” cast as new films are announced
September 6, 2019Film producers have announced plans to produce three new Carry On comedies. And rather uniquely, the project will involve top talent from the psychic community, to channel the, mostly dead cast of the yesteryear comedy film series.
Brexiteers complain after discovering Amazon Prime users have already received their Brexit
September 6, 2019Amazon has apologised for sending out some pre-ordered copies of The Testaments, Margaret Atwood’s follow-up to The Handmaid’s Tale. And, to the annoyance of many Brexiteers, Amazon have also been found to have delivered all the benefits of Brexit to their Prime customers before the official delivery date.
