Ryanair’s British pilot union is to ballot members on possible industrial action. Whilst the impact of strike action is being considered, it seems the most effective way to damage Ryanair’s reputation is to fly every flight, every day ensuring all customers receive the ‘unique’ Ryanair experience.
Business
Money launderers and criminals asked to pick new £50 note design
July 16, 2019Computer pioneer Alan Turing will feature on the design of the Bank of England’s new £50 note. The decision was made after consultation with money launderers and criminals who are the only people who actually ever use – or have even seen – them.
“We’ve put Turing on the £50 and now Homophobia is officially over!” says Theresa May
July 15, 2019“LGBT people are now safe from discrimination and we don’t need to mention things like chemical castration, or Section 28 and how I supported that act”.
After Boris’ ‘Heck’ visit sees Sausage boycott, Brits beg him to stop by the Daily Mail office
July 9, 2019Sausage company Heck is facing a boycott after a visit from Borish Johnson. The former Foreign-Secretary said he was “insanely proud” to have a new sausage, Boris Bangers, named after him. Inspired by the backlash, a campaign was quickly set up begging the Uxbridge and South Ruislip MP to visit the offices of the Daily Mail in an attempt to decrease their circulation and eventually bring down the publication.
Eurostar defends ‘alcohol limits for drivers’ policy
June 25, 2019“Passenger safety is always forefront in our minds which is why drivers are only allowed to bring on board one bottle of wine or four beers and absolutely no spirits…although some exceptions have been granted for those drivers with medical conditions such as dipsomania.”
Fashion World Embraces ‘Chernobyl Chic’
June 21, 2019The influential designer and influencer at New York’s Abercorn and Lynch, Martin Ronald, said: “In much the same way as heroin chic took off in the mid-1990s, Chernobyl chic goes for that distinctive, gorgeous, skinny, gaunt and wan look. The fashion industry is always looking for that pay dirt and yeah, we know it’s shocking but that sick look really is a goldmine for us.”
‘It’s definitely not because she’s transgender,’ claims NSPCC boss. ‘I actually have loads of trans friends.’
June 13, 2019The NSPCC’s CEO Peter Wanless has issued an apology after the charity cut ties with trans activist Munroe Bergdorf 48 hours after announcing she was to become the first LGBT+ campaigner for their counselling service Childline.
Nike introduce drug-taking mannequins to inspire people to take up athletics
June 13, 2019Other aspirational mannequins being introducing are a mannequin covered in cold, hard cash for those hoping to win the lottery, a geriatric mannequin waving its fist at the BBC and a mannequin flipping the double bird to the general public, which is the aspiration of every high street store’s Executive Board.
Oxfam responds with reforms: ditch loss-making charity work and concentrate solely on making money
June 12, 2019Oxfam’s own internal review has shocked their directors after it revealed that none of their charitable projects are making a profit. The directors have ordered that all charitable projects are to cease immediately and the company is to focus on the profitable, money-raising side of the business.
Apple to delete iTunes. Next they’ll remove the Camera App, the Earphone Jack, and eventually the screen.
June 6, 2019The company also announced a Nano version of their already disputed and easily misplaced ear-pods, costing only £699 and plan to introduce the Ipad Mini, a hand-held tablet that can make calls and play music.
