McDonald’s staff took to the streets in London over protest over pay. It is believed that they are protesting against being paid less than Ronald.
Business
£1M Worth of Sex Toys Stolen From Lorry – Whittingdale & Vaz Club Together to Offer Reward
November 8, 2019Thieves have stolen £1 million worth of sex toys from a lorry that was parked overnight, police said. The goods were on their way to ‘Rocks-Off Ltd (honestly!), a sex toy manufacturer and designer based in Kettering.
M&S clothing sales slide as more pensioners become full time nudists
November 7, 2019Marks and Spencer profits dropped in the first half of its financial year following a sharp fall in demand for its clothing line. This fall has come directly from pensioners refusing to buy any clothes and brandishing their nude bodies in city centres across the UK. Previously, pensioners had flirted with nudism in their own shower or the swimming pool changing rooms. The current warm climate has encouraged many old people to take the next step into making it a full-time role.
Decision on Huawei running 5G in UK delayed until after election, so the Chinese know who to bribe.
November 2, 2019An inscrutable spokesperson for the Chinese telecoms giant, Won Hung Lo, said, “We are not in the least bothered by this government’s decision to postpone. It makes sense. It hasn’t been easy dealing with the UK with all this Brexit nonsense. But we’re prepared to bide our time. Once the election is over it will be much clearer for us. We will know for certain who we have to bung.”
Amazon faces new criticism after forcing staff to wear ‘remotely detonated bomb collars’
October 28, 2019Amazon workers in Essex are suffering broken bones amid ‘appalling’ conditions at UK warehouses. Almost all of which were due to the workers being forced to wear remotely detonated bomb collars.
Updated 737 “has some new gadgets and stuff” and will “probably be fine” say Boeing
October 24, 2019Kicking the wheel of the plane, Boeing boss Dennis Muilenburg said, ‘Yeah I reckon we’ll get it off the ground. I mean it’s got wings so it’s bound to fly innit? If not, we’ll just run it off a cliff and see what happens. And once we get it in the air I reckon it’ll probably get there. ’
Asda rolls back its attitude to employees to the 1930s
October 22, 2019In-keeping with the rolling back of its prices, Asda is also planning on rolling back its attitude to its employees…
Sainsbury’s stops selling Fireworks; starts selling Brexit-ready guns and bulletproof vests
October 19, 2019Sainsbury’s has become the first major supermarket to stop selling fireworks at its 2,300 stores across the UK. They will be replaced by guns, rifles and bulletproof vests.
New Pizza Express owners can save a further 25% with voucher code
October 8, 2019High-street restaurant chain Pizza Express has hired financial advisers to review its debt situation. Any potential purchasers will be able to save a further 25% off using a voucher code.
Piers Morgan evolves into a new grotesque form of triggered rage, as Wetherspoons announces new vegan Burger.
October 8, 2019He now also circulates 5x the amount of blood then the average human body, enabling him to get even more red faced, and allowing him to do so within mere seconds of being shown a story about a new meat-free meal
