The government’s spending watchdog has claimed that no-one took full account of how complex and risky the HS2 high-speed rail project was likely to be. As a result, in order to significantly reduce costs, the HS2 route will now run from Euston station to just outside Euston station
Business
Sainsbury’s boss quits after having made 10 times more in 6 years than shop floor staff make in their entire lives
January 23, 2020The boss retires after 6 years, having accumulated 10 times more non-bonus salary than the average shop floor employee will earn in their entire lives. It’s only fair really. Mr Coupe has done so much for the shop floor staff it’s untrue.
‘Fuck the planet’ say Coca Cola
January 22, 2020Coca Cola will not ditch single use plastics. The firm’s head of sustainability, Bea Perez said, ‘Fuck the planet.’ She acknowledged that polar ice caps melting and bush fires in Australia are ‘inconvenient’ but said she couldn’t see how they are ‘worse than having a bottle without a screw top lid.’
Nefarious clowns holding power drills, axes and hammers revealed to be Boeing employees going to night shift
January 11, 2020Historic internal emails have surfaced at aeroplane manufacturer Boeing describing the company’s 737Max aircraft as ‘designed by clowns’ It turns out this was a literal description as the company attempted to help out clowns who are struggling in an ailing industry.
As Iran threatens “Huge Bounty”, Trump bans imports of chocolate and coconut
January 7, 2020Iranian officials have threatened US president Donald Trump with an $80m dollar bounty. Shortly after the announcement the president said, ‘Donald J Trump is banning all imports of chocolate and coconut until we can work out what the hell is going on.’
More of Greta’s plastic “How Dare You!!!” mugs flown in from China to keep up with demand
December 22, 2019“The Thunberg crap is selling faster than we can knock it out,” boasted the Greta merchandise franchise owner, Mr. R Thurdaley, “We’re having to have this shit flown in specially from China to meet demand. We’re shipping truckloads of the stuff all over the country. It’s costing me a fortune in diesel but the profit is phenomenal.
Retail Sales at 19 Month Low As Shoppers Struggle to Find A High Street Shop Still in Business
December 20, 2019“This is not unexpected, and it isn’t about consumers not having the wherewithal to splash out this Christmas. The truth is there’s no fucking shops open anymore” said a spokesperson.
Whirlpool Recalls 500,000 Washing Machines to Re-Sell Them as Electric Fires
December 20, 2019Half a million washing machines in the UK have been recalled due to a potential fire risk, manufacturer Whirlpool announced. This is due to a flaw in the door with the door-locking mechanism that can cause them to over-heat and catch fire.
Shock as Katie Price has her assets stripped and doesn’t get paid for it
November 27, 2019Katie Price has been declared bankrupt in a hearing at the High Court, which was told she had failed to stick to a plan to repay her debts. It’s believed to be the first time she has had her assets stripped and not been paid for it.
Christmas Dinner to cost more this year after pre-Brexit Policy sees all Turkeys sent “back” to Istanbul
November 27, 2019Your Christmas turkey is likely to cost more this year due to supply issues which has caused a hike in prices. There is a decreased supply which is down to many turkeys being sent back to where they are from – Istanbul, Turkey according to government sources.
