The BBC’s salary report for 2017-18 revealed Gary Lineker to be the highest paid on-air star. The report showed that Lineker was paid in the region of ALL THE MONEY, while the salary of the highest paid on-air woman, Emily Maitlis, amounted to a signed photo of Gary, with his trademark cheeky grin partially obscured by a greasy thumbprint.
The move by the appliance maker means two executives will relocate – chief financial officer Jorn Jensen and chief technical officer Martin Bowen. The company had insisted that no jobs will be lost. Although given that Dyson products are manufactured in Malaysia, the only jobs still based in the UK are those of Sir James Dyson’s housekeeper – an elderly lady on minimum wage called Mabel – and a guard dog called Winston.
The largest manufacturer of Cornish pasties – Ginsters – said the vegan alternative was a travesty. “We pride ourselves on making traditional Cornish fare such as the chicken tikka slice,” said a spokesman. “New products can’t just rock up calling themselves Cornish without understanding or respecting our heritage.
The razor firm’s short film, called Believe, replaces its famous slogan “The best a man can get”, with “The best men can be”. It’s prompted predictable fury among knuckle-dragging neanderthals who don’t consider it a good night out unless they’ve punched something or someone. “I hate how this advert was saying we should think about women’s feelings instead of just shouting ‘nice tits’ at them,” said Gary Swinfield, a 27-year-old car salesman from Wolverhampton.
Greggs said its latest creation, the £1 vegan sausage roll, was proving popular with “a broad range of customers.” Although the one group which definitely hasn’t been buying into vegan sausage rolls are vegans – they simply wouldn’t have the strength to fight their way through the heaving mass of sweaty Greggs customers to get to the counter.
It’s not “just” about delaying Brexit without delaying Brexit, insists May. Government analysts doubt Britain will be in a good enough state to hold Christmas at all after nine months of Brexit, so they’ve decided to bring it forward. Most high street stores have warmly welcomed the idea of an early Christmas which complements their own plans, started long before anyone can remember, to gradually start Christmas earlier and earlier each year.