Carl Benjamin about as popular in Salisbury as a Novichok sandwich, confirm residents

UK Politics
Carl Benjamin about as popular in Salisbury as a Novichok sandwich, confirm residents

UKIP candidate Carl Benjamin visited Salisbury over the weekend as part of his European Election campaign, and was promptly targeted by opponents in the street.

Proving that he is about as popular among residents of the town as a Novichok-infused Spaghetti Carbonara from Zizzi.

One opponent threw a milkshake over the far-right activist; the fourth dairy-based dousing he has received in the space of a week.

Defending his actions the protester said: “We thought we’d had more than our fair share of toxic substances in Salisbury, and then this twat shows up. I just chucked the nearest thing I had to hand at him, which was a McDonalds milkshake. As is happens, they were on special offer this weekend – I can’t imagine why”.

The throwing of the milkshake angered Carl Benjamin’s supporters, which is surprising – given that most of them have no problem with him joking about raping someone, you think they’d have thicker skins.

Carl Benjamin’s visit to Salisbury took place a little over a year since two Russian agents visited the town and poisoned a former agent and his daughter.

Russia, however, have denied being behind subjecting the Salisbury residents to Carl Benjamin.

One former KGB agent told us: “We conducted the Novichok poisoning last year, of course, but we know where to draw the line when it comes to exposing large numbers of people to toxic material.

“I give you my word, we had nothing to do with this – Carl Benjamin went to Salisbury of his own accord. By which we mean his mother, who he lives with, and who we believe is blissfully unaware of his attitude towards women, drove him there in her own Honda Accord.”

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