Justin Trudeau narrowly survived Canada’s general election to win a second term as Prime Minister. His Liberal party will hold on to power but has lost its parliamentary majority after a campaign plagued with scandal, and will need to form a coalition government.
“It’s a terrific result, despite losing my overall majority,” crowed Trudeau, “I will have to form a coalition of some sort but luckily there is a party on the same wavelength as me, the Black & White Minstrel party. Their leader, George Mitchell, and I share similar views on the environment, foreign policy, the economy and blacking up for fancy dress parties. We slightly diverge inasmuch as George prefers the striped blazers, straw boaters and carrying a banjo, whereas I love the turban and the earrings. Other than that we are at one in our crass ignorance of causing racial offence.”
During the campaign photographs emerged of Trudeau blacked up and dressed to look like an Arabian Nights character.
“I will regret doing that forever,” blubbed a contrite Trudeau, “I never won the prize for the best costume. I should have blacked up, put on an army uniform and gone as Idi Amin, or blacked up and worn a Savile Row suit, glued pennies on my eyes, and gone as the late Robert Mugabe.”
The first to congratulate Trudeau on his electoral success was the British Prime Minister, Boris (the spider) Johnson. In a telephone conversation immediately following the result Johnson is reported to have said, “Well done, but take my advice. Don’t go for a coalition. Instead go for a confidence and supply agreement with a minority party of rabid right-wing dinosaurs. That way you can get them to prop you up for three years then shit all over them when they want something in return.”