Campaign to abolish private schools to “help reduce number of twats in parliament” says John McDonnell

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Labour MP John McDonnell has announced his support of a campaign to abolish independent schools.

Mcdonnell stated that private schools no longer “need to exist”, and noted that the correlation between high profile private schools, and the amount of twats who enter politics.

Independent studies have shown that at least 95% of people entering parliament, or expressing a wish to become an MP, were ‘Twats from private schools’.

The “Abolish Eton” motion is set to be debated at the party conference this weekend.

“Eton is one of the most notorious private schools in England,” said McDonnell, “And it’s no surprise that a lot of the most prominent twats in parliament attended it. By abolishing similar establishments, it’s believed within twenty years there will be far less twats deciding the fate of people in this country.”

The campaign group  has already received support from former leader Ed Miliband.

“Yeah…don’t let that put you off,” said McDonnell “We’re hoping to get somebody a bit cooler to announce their support; Stephen Fry, or Idris Elba, somebody like that. It’s great to have Miliband’s support, but he’s no Luther.”

McDonnell addressed the “the inequalities in education, particularly in private schools, where large amounts of money are spent on a privileged few.”

“Sure there are twats in regular schools, but they either get the shit kicked out of them, or become far less twattish by being around regular people and learning basic concepts such as empathy or being charitable.
I’m not saying the weird kid who watched anime porn on the library computers should join parliament, but at least he’d know what the price of bread is, or how much the average internet bill cost.”

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