A massive 40-tonne fatberg (a solid chunk of coagulated fatty tissue) the size of a double-decker bus has been cleared from a London sewer by Thames Water engineers who had no option but to remove some of this revolting substance by hand.
“It was disgusting,” said the union representative for the Thames Water sewage workers, Brian Drain, “The lads were all spewing their rings after the job was completed. It stank. It was vile, and I have every reason to believe the repulsive mass of shite was entirely the fault of Tom Watson and his fucking diet.”
When asked why he thought Watson was to blame, Drain bellowed, “Because we found evidence amongst the massive ball of fatty crap that pointed directly towards the Labour Deputy leader, that’s why!”
The Commie shite-hawk then listed the evidence his members had recovered. These included:
- A receipt for a packed of sugar-free Polo mints bought from a West Bromwich Lidl.
- A letter from Jon Lansman to Tom Watson in which he offers Labour donor’s money to fund Watson and his family on a world cruise while the Labour party conference was on.
- A photo of Jeremy Corbyn with Corbyn’s head photo-shopped out and Watson’s photo-shopped in.
“What more proof do you need?” barked Drain, “These are all things he’d keep in his trouser pocket. It’s common knowledge he used a diarrhetic to help shift his repulsive blubber. Obviously, when he’s gone for a dump these items have fallen out of his trousers and dropped down the pan. Further, if you look at pictures of the twerp before his infamous diet, you can clearly see his left butt-cheek is exactly the same size and shape as the mega-blob of shitty-lard we had to get rid of.”
The mass of fat, grease and other materials that weighed the same as three red buses, was discovered earlier this year clogging up a sewer in Greenwich.
When Watson was approached for a comment he was adamant that the fatty-shite was nothing to do with him.
“If you’re looking for its owner, answer me this,” snapped Watson, “When did anyone last see Eric Pickles?”