Bury supporters have been openly weeping tears of abject sorrow in the streets of the town after it emerged their club is about to be saved from disaster – but by Donald Trump.
Cash-strapped Bury is facing a crunch deadline today in its battle to avoid being expelled from the English Football League.
Officials want to see evidence the club can pay its creditors and has enough money to get through the League One season.
Bury has yet to play a first-team match in 2019-20 after having each of their first six fixtures suspended.
At the last minute, a saviour has emerged pledging to buy the club and make funds available to secure its future. However the bad news is that the saviour is Donald Trump.
“Oh no, how can life be so cruel,” wailed lifelong Bury supporter Christopher Atkins, aged 47.
“I woke up this morning thinking our situation couldn’t get any worse, and now I’m told Donald Trump wants to be our chairman.”
Sources from inside the White House say Mr Trump decided to buy Bury after having his offer for Greenland rejected by Denmark.
The insider said: “Because the snooty Danes said no we have plenty of spare cash swishing around, so why not get Bury?
“Donald loves the thought of having vulnerable Brits relying solely on him for their very existence. It makes a nice metaphor for the forthcoming trade negotiations between Britain and the US when you guys leave the EU. So in that respect it’ll be great practise for Brexit.”
Speaking about the deal, Mr Trump rejected fears he would use the purchase to promote his own financial interests.
He added: “You have my word I will respect the great traditions of Bury FC and will only make a few minor changes to the club, like turning the stadium into a fracking site exploring for shale gas.