Britain trembling with anticipation to discover identity of new office manager

Politics

As the requisite number of satirical articles have been posted to trigger a vote of no-confidence in the leader of the Conservative party, the nation holds its breath to discover who will be the replacement, if anyone.

Tonight a ballot will take place in which 315 Tory MPs will vote secretly to decide what they’ve already told journalists; whether they have confidence in Theresa May’s ability to continue trying to walk through a brick wall, or be replaced in the task by somebody slightly different.

The nation will have no democratic input into the proceedings to elect a new leader of the Conservative party and consequent Prime Minister.

That will come in the inevitable General Election of 2019, to be held on Thursday April 18th, when the nation will give thanks to the politicians for extending the Easter weekend offering the parents of young children whose primary school has become a polling station, the opportunity to get smashed on a Wednesday night.

But who will be leader?

Well… there’s him, with the grey hair. That one in the suit. The lady with the… you know?? And there’s Jeremy Corbyn, or is he too right-wing?

David Hughes

Written By: David Hughes

David is an aspiring comedy writer who has written mainly for Newsbiscuit. After achieving November writer of the month his ambition is to be a successful stand-up performer without standing up or performing.
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