Brexiteers attack Johanna Konta for wilful refusal to crash out of Europe

Sport, UK Politics
Brexiteers attack Konta for wilful refusal to crash out of Europe

Johanna Konta has reached the semi-finals of this year’s French Open.

But not everyone is happy for her. Leading Brexiteers have decried her stubborn refusal to follow national policy and make a complete hash of things on the continent and come home with her tail between her legs. ‘It’s unpatriotic!’ Screeched reincarnated-Victorian-matron Ann Widdecombe. ‘The British public have made the decision to have nothing to do with Europe and this must be respected. I won’t even eat Croissants anymore.’

She took just over an hour win her quarter-final, becoming the first British woman to reach the last 4 since 1983.

‘Frankly it’s a slap in the face,’ bleated part-man-part-bullfrog Nigel Farage. ‘She’s intentionally trying to make us look competent and should just clear off. We’ve got more important things to be worrying about like taking back control, being an independent nation, and devaluing the pound so our rich mates can get richer.’ Others have urged her to be more like her male counterparts who turned up and thrashed around a bit before being promptly dumped out.

Born in Sydney to Hungarian parents, Konta initially represented Australia. But after becoming a naturalised citizen in 2012 switched her sporting allegiance to Britain.

‘She’s a ruddy spy!’ Blabbered moral vacuum Boris Johnson. ‘European bloody spy! She’s been a sleeper agent all along. I bet Judy Murray knew but didn’t tell us. What else can you expect from those treacherous, remain-voting Scots?’

Word coming out of the Brexit camp is this will be her last chance to do the right thing and get out of Europe without success. If not they are prepared to send in the big guns. It is rumoured a plan is being worked out to sneak Chris Grayling onto her team as a logistics agent, ensuring she never makes it to a tournament on time again.

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