Brexit soon to become UK’s leading religion, according to new Pope Jacob Rees-Mogg

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Research by university academics has found that 57% of Conservative Party members think leaving the European bloc with no withdrawal agreement would be preferable to the Prime Minister’s proposals.

The number of Brexiteers who’s belief in Brexit and worship it’s power to overcome all obstacles in it’s way will make it the UK’s leading religion, according to Pope Jacob Rees-Mogg; who must be right as he is infallible.

Although we should point out that he will not technically be Pope until 11pm on March 29th when red, white and blue smoke will be seen rising from the chapel of the European Research Group.

At this point, UK Catholic Churches will no longer be allowed to report to an authority in Europe and will be expected to switch their faith to Brexit.

Whether this will be a first step towards bringing the Catholic Church and the Church of England under one roof, as the newly elected pope believes, remains to be seen.

‘It will be THEIR fault!’ Jacob Rees-Mogg says Ireland is responsible for looming no-deal.

A strong statement which many suspect he has made to win over Catholics in the UK; and he may even hope to win over Catholics in Ireland, such is the supreme pontiff’s faith in Brexit. He concluded this morning’s sermon by reciting his newly revised version of the Lord’s prayer…

THE BREXIT PRAYER

Our country, which art in Europe, Hollowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom’s Brexit, Thy will be done,

The EEC becoming twenty-seven.

Give us the day… Twenty-ninth of March, 2019,

When we can punish Europeans who trespass,

And let us forget, our ancestors trespassed themselves,

And lead us into the temptation,

Where one can have one’s cake and eat it.

For Brexit is an independent United Kingdom.

Without power, food, decent jobs and governed by Tories,

Forever and ever.

Ah!… Tickle 50.

Simon Paul Miller

Written By: Simon Paul Miller

Writer for The News Dump, The Rhyming Detective podcast, Big Finish (Doctor Who Short Trips audio story 'Seven To One') and BBC Radio's Newsjack, Newsjack Unplugged & Breaking The News.
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