Supporters of the Brexit Party can now carry a plethora of offensive soundbites in their pocket with the new FarageBand app.
Sometimes it’s tricky for Brexiters to come up with a pithy xenophobic quip on the spur of the moment. The Brexit Party’s new FarageBand app is here to help.
Brexit Party voter Phil Jones explained the app’s benefits.
“I get these feelings up here,” he said tapping his head, “but they won’t come out of my mouth. I get really angry and just end up punching things.
“But with this app I can get brainy types like Nigel Farage who know what’s what to do all the talking for me.”
Phil launched the app on his phone – it started by playing the national anthem.
“Right, it’s dead easy to use. You just pick a Brexit Party MEP – I’ll just do Farage – and then you pick something scary and different that makes you angry – like ‘foreigners’.
And then you just press play.”
The app then played a couple of Nigel Farage quotes, spoken by the man himself in his trademark tone of permanently furious:
“I’m late because the population is going through the roof chiefly due to open-door immigration and the M4 is not as navigable as it used to be.”
“Who should be allowed to come to the UK? People who do not have HIV, to be frank.”
Phil couldn’t hide his delight. “It’s brilliant right? Let’s change the category to ‘women’.”
“Women are paid less because they are simply worth far less than many of their male counterparts,” said Farage.
“You see?” said Phil. “It’s amazing.
“You can even add some beats and get them to scat over the top.”
Phil selected MEP Ann Widdecombe and category ‘the gays.’
A jazz beat started to play beneath mashed up Widdecombe quotes.
“Marriage is between a man and woman, m-m-m man and a woman.
“D-d-d disgusting. Two men that’s d-d-d disgusting.”
“Listen to that and tell me you don’t want Brexit,” said Phil.
With depressing inevitability, FarageBand is currently the number one seller in the UK App Store.