Brexit Party only to stand in seats that can’t offer Nigel Farage a Peerage

Home Affairs, UK Politics
Brexit Party only to stand in seats that can't offer Nigel Farage a Peerage

The Brexit Party has announced that it will not stand candidates in the 317 seats won by the Conservatives at the 2017 general election.

And will only stand in constituencies of MPs representing parties that wouldn’t support  Brexit Party Leader, Nigel Farage, obtaining a peerage.

Party leader Nigel Farage said standing candidates across the country could increase the chances of another EU referendum taking place.

“and significantly reduce my chance of a peerage in the New Year’s honours list”, the MP for absolutely nowhere added, “Personally, I think, Lord Farage of Orpington, has a rather nice ring to it”

He [Nigel Farage] said the party would stand against all other parties – and focus on taking seats off Labour.

“Would you believe there are actually people in the United Kingdom who don’t believe in an unelected second house?”, the seven-time unelected MP questioned rhetorically, “That is why The Brexit Party are only going bring our own unique brand of bigotry to  constituencies that consist of lentil eating, self-identifying, environmentalist socialists; whilst I don’t stand for election at all. Anyway, once I get my permit into the House of Lords there would have to be a by-election anyway and you know how much I hate second votes.”, the multi-talented non-MP, MEP and radio broadcaster quipped.

The prime minister welcomed the move, calling it “a recognition that there’s only one way to get Brexit done, and that’s to vote for the Conservatives”.

“It’s also the only way to privatise the NHS and make us the 51st State of the US”,  the jovial jolly PM emphasised, “I don’t know about you but I would rather like my US passport back.”

Tory chairman James Cleverly added there was still a “danger” the Brexit Party could split the vote in target seats, leading to the election of MPs who could “frustrate the Brexit process”.

“If James Cleverly, thinks The Brexit Party are going to stand down in Labour marginals, allowing the Conservative Party to contest those seats instead, then my terms are quite clear”, the soon to be retired MEP on a pension of €70,000/year demanded, “I won’t accept anything lower than an Earl or Viscount”

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