Brexit chaos so serious, UN bans Britain from taking the piss out of Trump.

Politics

Since the day Donald Trump took office, his utter shambles of a presidency has given us Brits something to laugh about in these otherwise terrible times.

But never a nation to be outdone, us plucky Brits have been doing such a good job of ruining our own country – the UN has officially ruled that we’re not longer allowed to make jokes about the chaos in America.

MPs are expected to vote down Theresa May’s proposed Brexit deal on the 11th December – which could lead to any number of things.

No Deal. A New Deal. A Second vote on an old deal. A second vote on the same deal. A vote of no confidence. Another referendum. Or, a general election.

While some would claim this chaos came about by accident, it’s actually part of a long-running campaign by the Alt-Light to steal the coveted title of ‘Crazy Town’ from Washington.

The iconic moniker was first coined by an exasperated General John Kelly to express frustration at Trump’s administration – and has since been coveted by a number of world leaders.

Whitehall mandarin and Alt-Light spokesman Rupert Oliver said: “All the chaps here are absolutely thrilled the UK has got the Americans on the run. We’ve had so many selfless contributions from the team. I feel special mention must go to David Davis, Boris Johnson, and of course Theresa always leads from the front.”

Aiding Westminster’s bid was the news today that a no-deal Brexit would lead to 6 months of Jams at Dover.

Responding to questions over whether that’s really what he wanted, Oliver conceded: I’m more of a marmalade man myself, but I’m sure if we all pull together we’ll be able to get through the backlog of raspberry before opening the good stuff.

A no-deal may also mean bodies left uncollected for months.

“Good” said Oliver – the last thing we want is anyone poring of the corpses of the shambles that was, is and will be Brexit

If they did, they might start actually holding us to account…

Garth ApThomas

Written By: Garth ApThomas

Garth’s writing credits include “the world’s longest running live comedy show” NewsRevue in London – where he’s been a writer in the room – BBC Radio 4 Extra’s Newsjack and the History Makers podcast.
Read All Posts By Garth ApThomas