A bill implementing the Brexit deal will be introduced in the first week of June, the government has confirmed.
Downing Street said this was imperative if MPs were to have the opportunity of roundly rejecting Theresa May’s Brexit deal a fourth time before going off on their incredibly long summer holidays.
The government also said talks with Labour would continue on Wednesday in an attempt to agree a way through the Brexit impasse.
The impasse is largely a result of Theresa May simply saying “No! No! No!” whenever anyone else makes a suggestion.
In fact, she’s so immovable that some MPs suspect that she died several months ago and aides are now operating her formaldehyde-soaked body in a ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ style farce.
The prime minister and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn met on Tuesday evening to discuss the ongoing talks.
Unfortunately they spent the whole evening arguing about which pizzas to order to take advantage of Domino’s ‘Two for Tuesday’ promotion.
Committed vegetarian Corbyn refused to eat anything in the presence of May’s preferred ‘Mighty Meaty.’
In turn, the PM got frustrated at Corbyn’s attempts to create his own ‘Half and Half,’ eventually imploring him to “Make a fucking decision!”
The pair argued and dithered for so long that the two-for-one offer ended and they were unable to get any kind of deal.
Number 10 described the discussions as “both useful and constructive”.
So the polar opposite of the Prime Minister then.
Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt said a compromise was not impossible. but talks could not continue “indefinitely”.
O ye of little faith Mr Hunt, o ye of little faith.
In the 2017 general election, the two main parties promised in their manifestos to respect the result of the Brexit referendum.
History is littered with broken election promises and this is the one they’re determined to stick by?
Why can’t Mrs May just be a lying Tory bastard and sack this one off – you know, like balancing the books by 2017 or delivering a strong NHS?