Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston were briefly reunited at the SAG awards this week.
This caused celebrations among older millennials who stopped believing in love and happiness after the couple divorced fifteen years ago. However what seemed an innocuous blast from the past has caused another group of losers to celebrate; Remainers.
Dr Deborah Smell told us that her team of Remainer Scientists have been working on a time machine so that we can return to a happier period of history before Brexit, the rise of Donald Trump and the music of Ed Sheeran. She sees Brad and Jen as the first sign of their work bearing fruit.
“You’ll start seeing moments from the past repeating around you as our machine gains more power” said Dr Smell. “Brad and Jen reuniting is a fantastic start, he never should’ve left her for that sexy guppy fish Angelina Jolie, but our stated destination in time is 1999” Dr Smell informed us. “A time before 9/11, with the hopes and dreams of a new millennium before us and where Tony Blair was still seen as shaggable and not yet a war criminal. A time when the films of Richard Curtis mesmerised us with Caucasian dream worlds, a middle class liberal idyll”.
Worries are beginning to grow that the time machine is already overloading and sending us back too far into the past as racist attitudes are become prevalent once again and Liverpool FC are top of the league. When we put these concerns to Dr Smell she became despondent. “Not fucking Liverpool, anyone but them! Oh, and racism is bad too, whatever”.