Boris Johnson has won the first round of the Tory leadership contest after getting 114 votes.
It transpires he’s won the votes by offering MPs a role in his upcoming administration. And, when he does become PM, 114 different people have been promised the role of Chancellor.
BoJo trounced the next nearest candidate, Jeremy Hunt, who got 43.
There are worries Mr Hunt has already outsourced his administration to a private cabinet provider.
Three MPs – Mark Harper, Andrea Leadsom and Esther McVey – were knocked out in the first ballot.
Harper’s eviction was a complete surprise, as no-one was aware he was even there in the first place.
Esther McVey’s ejection proved that even some Tory’s have a brain.
Michael Gove was third with 37.
The total satiates his bloodlust, providing him with 37 more victims to stab in the back later on in his political career.
After Matt Hancock’s withdrawal,
something of which Boris has never been accused,
six candidates progress to the next round of voting next week.
All of them men. All of them utter bastards.
It may be seven come the next round of voting, of course, depending upon which party Chuka Umunna is in.