Boris “will happily ask” for Brexit extension – as “neither hell or high water ever came”

Popular Right Now, UK Politics

The UK government has promised the courts that Boris Johnson will send a letter to the EU seeking an extension to article 50 as required by the Benn act.

An ecstatic Johnson made the announcement earlier today “There’ll be another glorious 3 months of negotiations and high-minded and dignified discussions unless…” at which point a sniggering Johnson took a few moments to compose himself “We manage to reach a deal reached by October 19th.”

Johnson had famously claimed that the U.K would leave the E.U on October 31st “Come hell or high water”.

When asked if people might possibly have taken his meaning in the more traditional sense of ‘To do something no matter what’ Johnson responded “No, I think it was perfectly clear what I meant. If a literal hell began to consume the earth along with super-tidal flooding. Only then would a no-deal Brexit make any sense whatsoever.”

He continued “Neither of the two criteria I specified has been met; As you can clearly see, there’s been no demonic overrun of the country and… a few floods aside, water levels are pretty normal.”

When quizzed by journalists about a negotiated trade deal, the 3rd option for leaving the E.U, Johnson was dismissive. “Humbug! Have you seen the deal I was offering the E.U? They’d have been more likely to bite if I’d laid a dog-shit sandwich with spreadable cat-shit butter in front of them.”

“Still though, there’s no burning apocalypse and no unscheduled oceanic development around Wapping, I’d say that’s a cause for celebration!”

Insiders at Number 10 claimed that the Prime Minister immediately rang Nigel Farage who seems to have some sort of vested interest in Brexit to let him know the good news. At press time it is understood that an animated Farage issued a statement calling the Prime Minister an “impotent blond crotch wig whose brain is now at least 50% STDs from all his extra-marital affairs.”

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