Boris Johnson has vowed that is he is elected as the new Prime Minister, he will cut income tax for those earning more than £50,000 a year.
When asked what tax breaks he proposed for those earning less than £50,000 a year, he looked confused. “Less than £50,000? No one actually earns less than £50,000 a year, do they?” After an aide confirmed that yes people in fact do earn less, Mr. Johnson was heard to ask, “Well how much do they earn then?” The aide told him the average UK salary is below £30,000 a year, a fact which seemed to cause more confusion. Our reporter asked again what he proposes to do for lower income families, and he said, “Er… cake? Do they like to eat cake? Let them eat cake!”
Mr. Johnson said that he would use the money that has been set aside for a no deal Brexit to raise the 40% tax rate threshold to £80,000.
According to his press release, he believed that this was going to benefit ‘the working classes’, as it seems he believed £50,000 a year was minimum wage. The press release is apparently being revised by Mr. Johnson’s gardener’s assistant’s assistant. Our reporter hazarded that the suggestion that lower income families eat cake might in fact lead to rioting in the streets, to which Mr. Johnson replied, “But why? Everyone likes cake! My nanny used to make the most delightful Battenburg whenever I got into scrapes when I was at Eton. Such fun!”
It is estimated that Mr. Johnson’s proposal would cost £9.6bn a year.
When told this figure, Mr. Johnson asked, “Is… is that a lot then? I mean I know it sounds a lot, but so did £350 million when we put it on the side of the bus, and at the end of the day, that turned out to be nothing!”