Boris to tackle toxic emissions by shutting the hell up

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
Government's Clean Air Strategy seeks to reduce pollution, as hot Air in Westminster now the second biggest cause of Global Warming

Boris Johnson has said 2020 will be a ‘defining year of climate action’ for the planet.

The prime minister outlined his plan to cut toxic emissions by ‘shutting the hell up’.

He came under criticism from journalists on Tuesday after telling a press conference that he has a deal agreed with the EU.

And despite being proven wrong Johnson simply dismissed the facts placed before him and repeated his lie four more times.

He previously came under fire after promising there would not be a border in the Irish Sea.

And then agreeing to include a border ‘somewhere between mainland Britain and Northern Ireland in a spot that’s easily accessible by boat and submarine.’

In December he promised 40 new hospitals.

But failed to mention they’d be 5 inches high, made of Lego and kept in his bedroom.

In the run up to the election, the Supreme Court found that he lied to The Queen in order to prorogue parliament.

The prime minister denied the claim. But as a compulsive liar it wasn’t clear whether he was lying again or if he’d just told himself so many lies that he’ started to genuinely believe what he says.

In 2016 Mr Johnson was proudly photographed in front of that bus promising £350m per week to the NHS if the UK left the EU.

He’s subsequently said he couldn’t have made that promise as he was at Pizza Express in Woking at the time.

But in an effort to impress David Attenborough, he told reporters gathered at the Science Museum that he now plans to ‘shut the hell up’ after realising that everything he says is ‘utter bollocks’ and ‘divisive.’

As the prime minster made his commitment, Sir David gently stroked his chin and formed an increasingly long phantom beard.

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