Boris to mark the moment of Brexit by branding Union Jack on a remainer’s face

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
Boris to mark the moment of Brexit by branding Union Jack on a remainer's face

A clock counting down to the moment the UK leaves the EU on 31st January will be projected on to Downing Street as part of government plans to mark Brexit Day.

The government has also announced that the exact moment of Brexit will be marked by Boris Johnson branding a Remainer’s face with the Union Jack.

The Prime Minister will give a special address to the nation in the evening.

Before retiring to Downing Street where he’ll enjoy an evening of causing immense pain and life changing injuries because he’s an utter bastard.

A special 50p coin will also enter circulation to mark the occasion.

And Boris has asked the public to nominate any ‘remoaners or lefties’ that they think deserve to have their eyes gouged out with the commemorative coin on live on TV.

Downing Street has said the Prime Minister will chair a cabinet meeting in the north of England during the day, to discuss spreading ‘prosperity and opportunity.’

And will then return to the ‘civilised south’ to wipe his arse with a copy of the speech and set about screwing over northerners who will ‘no longer be any use’ to him.

The government said ‘in response to public calls, the Union Jack will be flown on all of the flag poles in Parliament Square’ on 31st January.

Brexit Secretary, Stephen Barclay, said that on 1st February, the flags will be removed to be replaced by the ‘heads of six randomly chosen EU citizens who haven’t yet fucked off home.’

The government says it will use the ‘significant moment in our history to ‘heal divisions’ and ‘re-unite communities’.

With particular focus on communities that enjoy fox hunting, kicking the homeless and pillaging the Commonwealth to line their own pockets.

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