Boris to boost NHS because he knows everyone wants to kick the shit out of him

Home Affairs, UK Politics
Boris to boost NHS because everyone wants to kick the Shit out of him

PM puts corporation tax cuts on hold to help fund NHS

Boris Johnson has performed an apparent u-turn on his plans to replace the NHS with a wholly unaffordable alternative that will result in death and misery for thousands of UK citizens.

But why?

Because lots of people want to kick the Shit out of him of course.

So he’s likely to need a doctor and he’s too tight to pay for one.

That being said he might be in for a nasty surprise should he go to hospital as a number of NHS doctors have admitted that given the opportunity they’ll ‘cut off his hairy blonde balls’ if he ends up in their care.

Although not reducing corporation tax doesn’t necessarily mean he’s actually giving money to the NHS he has suggested that the £6billion this will save might go their way.

Or it might go into building all the Tories a nice new kitchen each with all the trees they’re planning to plant.

In response to Boris’s plan the Labour Party have invited people to kick £6Billion tons of Shit out of Boris.

Children at schools in the Labour heartland have been asked to draw a picture of what this might look like and give it to their teacher.

The Liberals meanwhile have said everyone is lying about everything except them and nothing is true unless it’s painted orange.

The DUP are suing the Liberals because…orange!

The SNP meanwhile are busy trying to find new wheels for their battle bus after it was found up on bricks in Paisley while they were all getting drunk in a nearby hotel.

Meanwhile the business community, who are furious about paying more Corporation Tax, are going too buy all the hospitals and turn them into squash courts and polo stables.

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