Boris Johnson is to be empty chaired by Channel 4 after refusing to take part in a live climate change debate. Nigel Farage will also be empty chaired if he, like Johnson, refuses to take part.
“We thought about putting something in the chair,” said a Channel 4 spokesperson but we couldn’t decide on exactly what. The frontrunner was a blow-up model of Cyril Smith, because he was also a big fat arrogant lying cunt, but this was dismissed as Smith was a) a filthy low life sexual predator, but more importantly b) a Liberal Democrat. Next top choice was a waffle. In the end we decided just to leave the chair empty and let the public make up their own minds about Boris Johnson imagery.”
Following the Channel 4 announcement, Seumas Milne issued a statement as follows:
“It is right and proper that Boris Johnson is represented as an empty chair during this important debate. The man is not fit to be prime minister, a coward and a political dead lumber that the Tories will live to regret electing as their leader.”
Milne went on to add, “The idea of empty chairing someone that is a waste of fucking skin is, however, a good one, and one the Labour party is happy to steal from Channel 4. To this end, should by a freak of electoral stupidity, Jeremy Corbyn wins a majority in the December election and gets the keys to No. 10, the party’s real leader (Len McCluskey) has put plans in place to neutralise Corbyn. McCluskey will have a couple of his ‘industrial relations executives’ take the old duffer (Corbyn) somewhere where he can do no harm (Tel Aviv). De facto, Corbyn will be empty chaired in parliament, with Billy Bragg substituting for Corbyn at Prime Minister’s Questions, putting McCluskey’s answers to music.”