In another chaotic week for the government, senior politicians have called for a top-level inquiry into how Boris Johnson’s closest aide, Dominic Cummings, was able to sack an adviser to Sajid Javid, the chancellor of the exchequer, without Javid’s knowledge and then order an armed police officer to escort her out of Downing Street in front of staff.
It is understood that Johnson attempted to capitalise on the increased scrutiny on his senior advisor by drawing up a new policy he came up with all on his own. However, Cummings was made aware of the Prime Minister’s plans by parliamentary aides who warned him that several crayons were missing from number 10 along with some pritt-stick.
Sources inside the number 10 claimed that Boris Johnson has had to be placed on the naughty step for the 3rd time in as many weeks.
This comes the same day as yet another embarrassing revelation for the government as a leaked document claimed that the glove Cummings inserts into the Prime Minister’s rectum to exert full control now needs to be cleaned upwards of 4 times a day.
When confronted by Cummings, Johnson, arms crossed and stamping his feet yelled “I just thought with an inquiry looming we should tone down your public profile! It’s my turn to run the country. MINE!”
It is understood that Cummings knelt down to Boris’s level to make eye contact before sternly warning him “If you keep this up there’ll be no foie-gras suppers for a whole week, young man.”
Johnson muttered something in response but when challenged about what it was mumbled “Nothing.” At press time, sources confirmed Johnson waited on the naughty step calmly for 10 minutes without further incident.