PM, Boris Johnson, has opened a Snapchat account
This appears to be yet another smokescreen from the Prime Minister to ‘paper over’ previous outrageous behaviour, particularly on dating platform Tinder.
The Prime Minister announced his account on Twitter with the message “Hi folks, I’m now on Snapchat so you can see more about what I’m doing as your Prime Minister.”
The advice, to open a Snapchat account, appears to have emanated from the country’s only unifying hate figure Dominic Cummings, who went onto explain,
“I was casually hacking all the cabinet ministers phones one lunchtime and there amongst the Star Trek, topless karate and kitten torture videos, I found this account ‘FumbleBumble’. On further analysis, it appears this was the PM’s Tinder account, which would explain his overdeveloped right thumb. Sensing a political storm I immediately got MI5 onto the case to brand anyone who made contact with ‘FumbleBumble’ clinically insane.”
Tinder is a location-based social media platform, often used as a dating app
User ‘FumbleBumble’ was described as an outgoing, boisterous mid-fifty-year-old, under-achiever, father of at least five, whose many wives/girlfriends have misunderstood him. Hobbies listed included model making, viniculture, and Marxist-baiting.
Snapchat servers are designed to automatically delete all unopened Chats after 30 days
“This is the main attraction.”, explained everyone’s least favourite Special Political Advisor. No chance of historical allegations, from every failed Associated Newspapers hack, coming back to bite the PM twenty years later. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a brown envelope full of used tenners to collect from a Fried Chicken outlet in Lambeth ”
Boris Johnson has had to deny any truth in allegations he squeezed a journalist’s thigh in 1999
When asked about his Tinder account the PM went onto to say, that he couldn’t recall if he had ever had a Tinder account and what is really important are the 20,000 new police officers, lowest unemployment figures, Getting Brexit Done, improving our hospitals, Getting Brexit Done, investing in the NHS, Getting Brexit Done, Getting Brexit Done, Getting Brexit Done…………..