Boris Johnson’s pathological lying can never be cured, report doctors at the hospital he visited

Health, Lifestyle and Family, UK Politics
Boris Johnson’s pathological lying can never be cured, report doctors at the hospital he visited

Doctors have today confirmed that Boris Johnson’s chronic inability to tell the truth is not something that can ever be cured.

The prime minister was visiting a children’s ward at Whipps Cross Hospital when he was confronted by a patient’s father who challenged him over NHS funding and accused the Tories of destroying the NHS and him of simply using the visit as a photo op.

It was the biggest telling off Boris had received since that day last week when he stumbled home to Carrie after a night out with the Bullingdon lads with a condom still half hanging off his penis like a deflated balloon hanging from a tiny gatepost.

Boris Johnson replied to the accusation that he was just there for a press opportunity by saying: “Well actually there’s no press here”.

An objectively false statement that was immortalised on film by at least six different video cameras for various news channels, nine dictaphones and four mobile phones.

A spokesman for the prime minister later said Mr Johnson was visiting public services to see for himself the reality of the situation.

And also because one of the children in there might well be an illegitimate one of his.

Senior psychiatric consultant Dr Brian Wave told the gathered reporters: “We had a bit of a chance to surreptitiously examine Boris’s mental and psychological well-being when he visited today. 

“Once we’d looked past his horrifying sexual proclivities we found that he is someone who is a pathological liar. He literally lied about the press right in front of us. He can’t stop lying, and there’s no therapy that can cure that, especially as it is wrapped up completely in his narcissistic personality.”

Dr Wave concluded: “The only possible way you might stop him lying would be to give him a lobotomy. Which – given the Tory’s dismal approach to mental health funding, research and treatment – will probably be re-introduced any day now.”

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