Announcing his commitment to securing a better deal for the U.K or driving through a no-deal Brexit on October 31st, Johnson has thrown down the gauntlet to EU negotiators by locking himself in number 10 and refusing to breathe until they agree to reconsider the Irish Backstop.
The policy announced 45 seconds ago has already placed a great strain on his newly appointed cabinet. As several high ranking conservatives quizzed him about the backstop being the U.Ks policy in the first place, an increasingly red-faced Johnson merely grunted desperately and frantically shook his head, refusing to answer.
Around 60 seconds into the policy, Johnson raggedly wrote out the following message “The U.K must stand firm, Brussels will negotiate.” It is understood the word ‘will’ was underlined twice. Sources confirmed this is a calculated escalation of Johnson’s previous announcement to merely refuse to meet with EU leaders.
At press time, Johnson signaled a very embarrassing U-Turn for the government by gulping down huge amounts of oxygen around 2 minutes after the policy’s announcement.