Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said that the UK can ‘turn the tide’ of Coronavirus in 12 weeks if proper measures are followed.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced that, in a last ditch effort, they will be releasing a deadly strain of typhoid across the country, in the hope that it will beat Coronavirus into submission.
The Army will be releasing canisters of typhoid infested water attached to helicopters over major cities across the country, while the fire department will be spraying typhoid infested water across streets and buildings in an attempt to get as much coverage as possible.
The Prime Minister is hoping that combating Covid-19 with another deadly virus will finally stop it, in what COBRA have classified as ‘fighting fire with fire. But with germs’.
The operation will begin once COBRA have decided on a name; they are currently stuck between “Operation Alien vs. Predator” and “Operation Freddy vs. Jason”.
The Government has also said that social distance may be required for ‘most of the year’.
Boris Johnson has said that people should only mingle with citizens if absolutely necessary such as for medical aid, or ‘if there’s an election coming up and you need to boost your numbers’.
Mr Johnson has urged employers to “stand behind workers”
But at a distance of about three feet. Just to be safe
Update: Dominic Cummings has suggested the third option of “Operation Godzilla vs the monsters that aren’t Godzilla” which we have been told will delay proceedings further.