Boris Johnson has said his plan to build a bridge from Northern Ireland to Scotland “would only cost about £15 billion.”
Johnson plans to build the bridge as both a transport link, and a monument to Britain leaving the E.U. Sort of like a 4 lane Arc De Triumph covered in chevron markers, or if the pyramid of Cheops had a Moto service station half way up it.
When officials noted the cost, Johnson said they could probably lower the cost by using ‘particular’ materials. When pressed as to what these materials would be, Johnson silently turned to Dominic Cummings, who then uttered the word ‘bones’, in a tone described as a ‘baleful death rattle’.
Johnson believes a bridge connecting Nothern Ireland with Great Britain could help restore relations within the UK following Brexit.
He believes that those who will perish due to medicine and food shortages will be honoured, as their bones are laid end to end in a giant skeletal overpass.
Johnson is certain that most citizens will gladly allow their remains to be used as structural support, and ‘unconventional’ spangle, to the 28-mile bridge across the Irish Sea.
Johnson first suggested the idea in 2018, with his proposal being branded as a “thoughtless soundbite” that “no sane contractor or responsible government” would sanction.
Johnson believes that over the past few weeks he has demonstrated that he has no concept of what a ‘responsible government’ is, and hopes that this will sway non-sane contractors to take on his ‘expansive inter-country link comprised of patriotic ribcages’.