Boris Johnson hoping to win Tuesday’s TV debate by windmilling his cock while whistling Rule Britannia

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
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Boris Johnson has said he will take part in Tuesday’s televised Tory leadership debate on the BBC.

The debate will be first time Boris has directly taken on his fellow Tory opponents since that time he wrestled Ann Widdecombe and Mark Francois for the last sticky toffee pudding in the House of Commons canteen.

Ahead of next week’s BBC event he told Radio 4’s ‘World At One’ yesterday: “I think it is important that we have a sensible, grown-up debate.”

“And that is why I shall naturally spend the debate waving my member around as a display of authority, while whistling every true patriot’s favourite tune ‘Rule Britannia’ and slipping in the occasional Latin phrase as I see fit. It’s a killer move that I call ‘Johnson’s Johnson’ – get it?”

The other candidates taking part in the debate say whoever becomes the next prime minister should be subjected to the fullest possible scrutiny.

Although when it comes to some parts of their anatomies, close scrutiny is best avoided.

In a wide-ranging interview, Mr Johnson defended his record as foreign secretary and said the UK must step up preparations for a no-deal Brexit as a way of getting an improved deal.

One of which is presumably spending a fortune on second hand water cannons to quell any potential public unrest, only to find they are illegal and not fit for purpose. Again.

Our Next Prime Minister, hosted by Emily Maitlis, will be broadcast on BBC One at 20:00 BST on Tuesday.

Even though we all know who will soon be rolling into Number Ten, blonde hair flopping merrily in the breeze, ready to destroy Britain’s reputation even further than anyone could have imagined post-Brexit.

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