Boris ‘forcibly dissuaded’ from mounting podium in Incredible Hulk underpants

UK Politics
Boris vows to make 'no progress' at key meeting with Junker

Boris Johnson pulled out of a joint event with the prime minister of Luxembourg, leaving his counterpart to point to an empty podium.

The official reason for the vacancy was protesters shouting “stop Brexit”, heckling the prime minister.

In reality, the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland had insisted on attending the meeting wearing nothing but bright green Incredible Hulk budgie smugglers.

The PM had to be ‘forcibly dissuaded’ from mounting the podium in the full glare of the global media, by security staff and advisors.

Mr Bettel insisted the event go ahead as planned outside his ministry of state, despite the protesters’ loud chants…

Reverting to a chorus of “Get ‘em off, Boris. Get ‘em off”.

Boris revealed to the The Mail on Sunday he wanders around Downing Street’s garden in his underwear:

“I get up at six o’clock in the morning and stagger around, walk around the garden with the dog.

“It’s a keep-fit regime in my boxers.”

“Due to the schedule for getting to Luxembourg I didn’t get time to walk the dog.

“So I didn’t see why I shouldn’t be able to wander around the meeting room conducting sovereign legislative negotiations in my superhero speedos.

“Quite frankly, I thought it would give me the psychological edge, and keep me fit.”

The prime minister had a two hour working lunch with European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker and the EU’s chief negotiator Michel Barnier, in Luxembourg City.

Mr. Barnier commented: “It was difficult to concentrate on resolving matters of division that would sculpt the future of the UK and Europe when you’re negotiating with a man in his pants with a picture of the Incredible Hulk on the front, saying: “The beast is asleep”.

“I nearly gave him whatever he wanted just to remove him from my vision.”

Downing Street said the talks went positively, and both leaders agreed to “intensify” talks so they would happen on a daily basis.

“By text will be fine.” Responded Mr. Barnier.

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