The first of the televised debates for the Tory leadership has taken place on C4 without, front runner, Boris Johnson
Whilst many political commentators have assumed this to be clever political manoeuvring on the part of ‘Team Boris’, the true reason is a little more mundane
Father’s Day, 16th June, clashed with the first debate on C4
“What bloody fool scheduled the first debate, the same day as Father’s Day”, bumbled the lovable favourite to become the next Prime Minister, “It’s the one day of the year, my schedule is, allegedly, packed out, with multiple, alleged, paternal celebratory functions, in multiple, alleged, locations.”
Boris married Marina Wheeler in 1993 , They have four children: two daughters and two sons.
“The older kids are all getting to an age where they simply want to have a good old nosh and jolly booze up, with the old man”, chuckled the adorable buffoon and former Foreign Secretary, “But, I’ve been advised, that turning up at the C4 studios after quaffing five bottles of Châteauneuf-du-Pape at the Garrick and potentially getting into a bit of rumbustious rough & tumble with old Demonic Raab, whilst fun, might not be the best idea. ”
In 2009, Johnson fathered a daughter with Helen MacIntyre, an arts consultant. The child’s existence was the subject of legal action in 2013 with the Court of Appeal quashing an injunction seeking to ban reporting of her existence.
“Father’s Day is a ruddy nightmare for me. You try spreading yourself around the celebrations of five offspring, that you, the press, are legally allowed to talk about”, the roguish, popular funster, soon to be Prime Minister of the world’s sixth largest economy protested.
Stanley Johnson, Boris’ father, has six children by two marriages
“and then to round the day off. It’s all round to (ironically) Pratt’s to celebrate with Pater, for another round of fatherly love, binging and imbibing. “, smirked an ever more, deceptively winsome, Former Mayor of London, “This is a day to fully embrace and celebrate family values, rather than wasting my time on some minor television channel, surrounded by five losers. ‘Huzzah for the family!’ I cry, ‘Huzzah!’ “, stated the former Mayor of London
The next televised debate with be on 18th June on the BBC
“If I’ve sobered up by Tuesday, I’ll be there. Although father is rather fond of chasing the ‘Green Fairy’ after the Port and Cheese, so I’m 50/50 at best”.