Bleak outlook for Harvest Festivals as Brits actually eat all their tinned shit

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Bleak outlook for Harvest Festivals as Brits actually eat all their tinned shit

Harvest Festivals across the country are predicted to struggle this autumn as the impact of Coronavirus lingers. With many Brits actually eating all the tinned shit in their cupboards, the outlook for gift boxes for the elderly looks fairly bleak.

Dave from Bridgend said he has ‘no plans’ yet for what he might give his daughter to take to school that day that he already has concerns. ‘Normally we’re just about to go to school and Bethany pipes up with “Have we got any food I can donate for the Harvest Festival?” He said. ‘Then I take a look in the cupboard and find a tin of lentils or chickpeas, or maybe some sort of fruit in syrup with a use by date that’s so far ahead it’s written in supereons. I’ve no idea how they get there because we never buy it but it’s something I’ve come to rely on. I just wonder whether I’ve found it a bit too early this year.’

Des Perate, a head teacher from Burton-on-Trent said it would be a ‘real shame’ if children were unable to bring in ‘some spam or some of that ham in jelly that really has no place in a world where wireless technology exists’ as it’s good for them ‘to realise just how self-righteous you can feel by simply subjecting an old person with limited income to the shit you won’t eat.’

Schools are currently closed indefinitely because of Covid-19.

And Mr Perate said with children likely to miss out on sports day and trips to the zoo, Harvest Festival will take on ‘extra significance’ as it will be one of very few doss days in 2020.

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