BBC News will be cutback to Gary Lineker reading “The Guardian” on webcam

Entertainment, Art & Culture, Home Affairs, UK Politics
BBC News will be cutback to Gary Lineker reading The Guardian on webcam

Around 450 jobs will be cut from BBC News under plans to complete its £80m savings target by 2022.

With the final target being the entire news staff to be reduced to a headcount of one, with that solitary figure being Gary Lineker, who will read out that days Guardian newspaper, on a personally provided webcam.

BBC News boss Fran Unsworth said there had to be a move away from traditional broadcasting and towards digital.

“Inform, Educate and Entertain”, proclaimed Ms. Unsworth, “That’s the BBC mantra laid out by Lord Reith in 1922 and Gary Lineker ticks all those boxes. In fact, dare I say, all those boxer shorts”, she cheerily quipped with a wink in her eye as she recalled the last time ‘Match of The Day’ got viewing figures over 4 Million.

BBC News currently employs around 6,000 people, including 1,700 outside the UK. Its budget after the changes will be around £480m per year.

“By reducing the BBC News staff by 5,999 and outsourcing the corporation’s news sources to The Guardian, the BBC will provide huge savings whilst maintaining it’s liberal, elitist, echo-chamber”, the head of BBC news informed us, “And with Gary Lineker onboard, we can just see viewing figures rocket amongst whilst meeting his ever-decreasing salary demands “.

The BBC provides 24/7 news coverage via its dedicated news channel

And initial proposals for the radical cutback, involve Mr. Lineker reading out “Tomorrow’s Guardian” at 10 pm, with updates every three hours via FaceTime as he reads the ‘Breaking News’ off his iPhone app.

“Editorials will be covered by Mr. Lineker’s twitter feed”, the BBC News Supremo added, “With added commentary from Danny Baker. We’ve got to find a way to get him back to Auntie”

Gary Lineker’s BBC annual salary is currently £1.75M and has volunteered to cut that

“Obviously there will have to be some compromises to the BBC News services as Mr. Lineker juggles his current broadcasting commitments”, Fran Unsworth explained, “For example ‘Match of the Day’ will have newly installed VAR & Soccer expert Laura Kunessberg, providing an in-depth analysis of the political situation in Westminster, using only analogies of the offside rule, whilst ‘Question Time’ will now be integrated with the other Fiona Bruce hit ‘Antiques Roadshow’ as Ms. Bruce will ask a panel of experts each week,  ‘How much is this worth this week?’ whilst holding a pound coin to the camera”

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