Bank of England appeals to Leavers with ‘worthless but fucking massive’ new £20 note

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The new design of Britain’s most common, and most forged, banknote has been unveiled by the Bank of England.

Unveiling the design, Mark Carney said, whilst the Bank of England ‘can’t prevent the post Brexit collapse of the pound’ we can at least appeal to Leavers by making the worthless note ‘fucking massive’.

The new note will enter circulation on 20th February next year.

Mr Carney said, ‘With all the experts predicting financial collapse following Brexit we wanted to focus on the positive aspects of leaving the EU. Many people voted to leave for a sense of identity; the blue passport, the gammon features/bulldog tattoo combo, and being part of that really long queue at the airport. We want to appeal to those people and give them something they can be proud of. In the same way that a flash car compensates for a tiny penis, we hope the bank note, measuring 5ft by 3ft, will compensate for their disappointment at only securing trade deals with Gibraltar, The Falklands and the Isle of Man.’

The banknote will feature Turner’s self-portrait, from 1799, currently on display in the Tate Britain, and one of his most eminent paintings – The Fighting Temeraire – which can be seen in the National Gallery.

Other suggestions for the design were Nigel Farage’s smug, gurning grin; Boris Johnson driving a flash car; and Tommy Robinson’s mugshot, but Mr Carney said they were rejected in favour of Turner as the Bank of England were keen to reflect a time when colonial repression and a general hatred of anything European was less divisive in society.

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