The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have revealed baby Archie has started crawling and has his first two teeth, as they made a surprise visit to a community centre in Windsor.
The Prince then clarified this further by saying, “Archie’s not crawling in the normal baby sense of the word. He’s crawling like that ginger fellow does, the royal correspondent for the BBC … you know, the one… that chappie Granddaddikins can’t abide, Nicholas Witchell.”
Meghan added, “Yes, Archie’s really getting the hang of this crawling malarkey. He’s growing into a really obsequious little chap. He always bows to Harry whenever he enters the room. Also if ever his great Granny turns up, the little chap always shuffles out of the room backwards on his bottom with his head bowed low, just like Witchell does. Archie’s even started to look a bit like ‘the Witch,’ bald, freckle faced and with a thinly thatched ginger bonce.”
This description of Archie, and the royal couple’s comparison between the toadying arse-shuffler Witchell and their son, has played well with top executives at the BBC.
“We’re delighted,” said the official BBC royal groveler, R. Slicker, “It’s terrific news made even better by the fact that baby Archie will become a freckly ‘ging’ when he grows up. just like Nicholas.”
However, reaction from Jeremy Corbyn, a life-long republican, was not so good.
“Another royal mouth to feed I can live with,” dribbled Corbyn, “But if the little bugger grows up to look and act like that fawning shit-lizard Witchell, then there’s no hope for the downtrodden working people of this country. Imagine a 50p stamp with a portrait of a kid that looks like Witchell in a nappy shuffling about. Heaven help us.”