Voting for the next Conservative Party leader and Prime Minister closed on 22 July. The result, however, is being delayed as it seems the winner is a crudely drawn picture of male genitalia.
“My vision, for a post-Brexit Britain, is one where smoked fish based food poisoning is just not just the affliction of royalty and the upper-middle classes, but a condition freely available to the whole populous.”, waffled the leading contender in the most one-sided competition since the US Ladies football team beat Thailand 13-0.
“Here is a man, who has, quite clearly, stated the Earth is round”, waffled the soon to be Leader of the Tory Party, “When, every sane thinking power crazy politictian (myself included), is coming round to the US position that the Earth is at least a cube; rather like a wine box. A large wine box. A wine box I can paint, with happy countries trading freely with one another, using smiling ships and grinning aeroplanes.”
US President Donald Trump has criticised the UK ambassador (Sir Kim Durroch) who said in leaked emails that his administration was “inept”. “He even believes the world is not flat. Can you believe that? Round. Round like a golf ball! Now Really?”, added the President in that closed eye, mocking shirk that he has, “”The UK Ambassador is a very bad man. Very bad. Baddest ever. Not to be trusted.”