The prime minister will outline changes to the Withdrawal Agreement Bill – including a promise to give MPs a vote on holding another referendum. Provided such a vote will be preceded by a number of “Indicative Votes” , the United Kingdom winning the Eurovision Song Contest in 2020, England winning the World Cup in 2022 and a total eclipse of the sun being visible from Westminster.
Speaking to Sky News, Lord Heseltine said: “They can take away the whip but they cannot take away my integrity, my convictions or my experience. I am a Conservative.” “This means staying true to the finest traditions of corporal punishment, caning, the wearing of fine leather (or latex) and rope play. These true principals at the heart of conservatism must remain intact”, he went on to add
“We want to show Dot’s decline into extreme activism”, Kris Green stated at a press launch today, “At first it will be simple things like installing a smart meter, or using eco-friendly washing liquid, but we’ll quickly introduce more alarming actions, such as planning a pop-up skate park in Albert Square, eventually leading up to Dot supergluing herself ‘Kath’s Café’ in a rabid vegan protest”.