Historian Sir Hew Strachan has called for National Service to be re-introduced in a special MoD Commissioned Report. The professor argues that reintroducing National Service will provide a much-needed connection between the military and the general public, especially as he is now too old to be considered himself and has enjoyed an entire adult life without fear of being conscripted.
London Mayor asks for Celebrity Cardboard Masks to be deemed as ‘Suitable PPE’.
April 18, 2020London Mayor Sadiq Khan called for people to wear non-medical face masks – such as scarves or bandanas – in public as “additional protection” to social distancing. “And I personally wouldn’t rule out the Celebrity Cardboard Mask, in these serious times” he added.
Test Target to be reached by improving Supply Chain, Reagent Production and Lying
April 4, 2020The UK Government is aiming to carry out 100,000 coronavirus tests a day in England by the end of April. Health Secretary Matt Hancock stated that although challenging, by improving the supply chain and finding new sources of reagent chemicals, this target would be entirely possible by lying.
Priti Patel keeps Coronavirus at bay by taking it’s dinner money and then giving it a wedgie
March 28, 2020Health secretary Matt Hancock has tested positive for coronavirus. However, fears that other members of the cabinet may fall victim to the pandemic have been eased by Home Secretary Priti Patel bullying the virus as she took it’s dinner money, before giving it a wedgie.
PM receives millions of “Get Well Soon” cards as Nation realises Raab could take over
March 27, 2020Prime Minister Boris Johnson has tested positive for coronavirus. And the Nation’s mood quickly changed from shock to fear as they realised that the person designated to take over from Mr Johnson is non-other than Dominic Raab.
JD Wetherspoon owner, Tim Martin, tells family dog it’s OK to find another family
March 25, 2020Wetherspoons founder Tim Martin has told staff who might not be paid during lockdown to ‘go work at Tesco’. And in another act of kindness, Mr Martin has also instructed family dog ‘Muffin’ that she is free to find another family home as he will also no longer feeding the four-year-old Bichon Frise
Self-employed urged by Government to watch “I, Daniel Blake”, as a COVID-19 Universal Credit education film.
March 24, 2020The Chancellor Rishi Sunak announced “unprecedented” package of measures that would see companies receive grants to pay their PAYE workers 80% of their salaries However for the self-employed and those not covered by the package, the Government has advised the watching of the 2016 Ken Loach movie “I, Daniel Blake” to familiarise those wishing to take advantage of more generous Universal Credit qualifications and other state benefit packages.
UK’s supply of Screenplays and Novels To Dry Up in Three Months as Cafes Close
March 22, 2020Cafes, pubs and restaurants must close from Friday night – except for take-away food – to tackle coronavirus, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said. Leaving thousands of screenwriters and authors absolutely nowhere to go to create their “masterpieces”, with experts estimating that the supply of new material will dry up in three months.
“Coronavirus Debt Sets You Free” says Iain Duncan Smith
March 19, 2020Iain Duncan Smith has rejected suggestions that workers should be given a universal basic income during the coronavirus pandemic. And in justifying his decision, IDS has suggested that not enough people in this country have experienced the joyous freedom that crippling debt can bring the individual.
Government advises, that Government only advises on Coronavirus.
March 17, 2020The PM has said everyone in the UK should avoid “non-essential” travel and contact with others to curb coronavirus. And the keyword here is “should”. it’s really up to them.
