Health secretary Matt Hancock has tested positive for coronavirus. However, fears that other members of the cabinet may fall victim to the pandemic have been eased by Home Secretary Priti Patel bullying the virus as she took it’s dinner money, before giving it a wedgie.
PM receives millions of “Get Well Soon” cards as Nation realises Raab could take over
March 27, 2020Prime Minister Boris Johnson has tested positive for coronavirus. And the Nation’s mood quickly changed from shock to fear as they realised that the person designated to take over from Mr Johnson is non-other than Dominic Raab.
JD Wetherspoon owner, Tim Martin, tells family dog it’s OK to find another family
March 25, 2020Wetherspoons founder Tim Martin has told staff who might not be paid during lockdown to ‘go work at Tesco’. And in another act of kindness, Mr Martin has also instructed family dog ‘Muffin’ that she is free to find another family home as he will also no longer feeding the four-year-old Bichon Frise
Self-employed urged by Government to watch “I, Daniel Blake”, as a COVID-19 Universal Credit education film.
March 24, 2020The Chancellor Rishi Sunak announced “unprecedented” package of measures that would see companies receive grants to pay their PAYE workers 80% of their salaries However for the self-employed and those not covered by the package, the Government has advised the watching of the 2016 Ken Loach movie “I, Daniel Blake” to familiarise those wishing to take advantage of more generous Universal Credit qualifications and other state benefit packages.
UK’s supply of Screenplays and Novels To Dry Up in Three Months as Cafes Close
March 22, 2020Cafes, pubs and restaurants must close from Friday night – except for take-away food – to tackle coronavirus, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said. Leaving thousands of screenwriters and authors absolutely nowhere to go to create their “masterpieces”, with experts estimating that the supply of new material will dry up in three months.
“Coronavirus Debt Sets You Free” says Iain Duncan Smith
March 19, 2020Iain Duncan Smith has rejected suggestions that workers should be given a universal basic income during the coronavirus pandemic. And in justifying his decision, IDS has suggested that not enough people in this country have experienced the joyous freedom that crippling debt can bring the individual.
Government advises, that Government only advises on Coronavirus.
March 17, 2020The PM has said everyone in the UK should avoid “non-essential” travel and contact with others to curb coronavirus. And the keyword here is “should”. it’s really up to them.
Coronavirus Declared “Tedious” By W.H.O.
March 12, 2020The coronavirus outbreak has been labelled a pandemic by the World Health Organization (WHO). And in their usual uninformed, uneducated,…
COVID-19 Update: Jacob Rees-Mogg advises people to wash their hands to Brahms Piano Concerto in B♭ major
March 4, 2020Tory Brexiteer MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has reiterated that people should ‘wash their hands’ to combat the spread of Covid-19. And has recommended that the ideal piece of music to ensure thorough washing is Johannes Brahms Piano Concerto No 2 in B♭ major. Opus No 83.
Lord David Steel’s Spitting Image puppet throws itself into the recycling bin
February 26, 2020Former Liberal Party Leader, Lord David Steel has resigned from the Lib Dems following the publication of a report into historical child abuse in Westminster. And in a bizarre twist, his latex Spitting Image caricature puppet has voluntarily thrown itself into the recycling bin.
