Companies allowing staff to set own salaries. House of Commons cleaners now earn 200k per annum

Set-Your-Own-Salary schemes take off. House of Commons cleaners now earn 200k per annum

September 14, 2019

Where 25-year-old Cecilia Manduca works there is a “pay self-assessment process”. Put simply, the workers there decide how much they are worth and should be paid. The House of Commons also introduced this system six months ago and there is now a ninety-year waiting list for jobs. Cleaner Anna Moldova, who had been on ten-pounds per hour, currently earns 200k per annum.

Chuka Umunna switches seat to Ninth Circle of Hell - Hires Judas Iscariot as campaign manager

Chuka Umunna switches seat to Ninth Circle of Hell – Hires Judas Iscariot as campaign manager

September 7, 2019

Former Labour MP Chuka Umunna will fight the Cities of London and Westminster parliamentary seat for the Lib Dems at the next general election. London and Westminster, unofficially known as the ‘Ninth Circle of Hell’ has been under Tory control since its creation in 1950. Chuka and his new campaign manager Judas Iscariot (no relation) believe it’s there for the taking.

Migrants attempt to escape UK in car roof box fails

Migrant’s attempt to escape UK in car roof box fails

September 6, 2019

Sammy de Souza, a refugee from war torn Syria had arrived in London mid 2016 and was granted asylum. After three years of Brexit madness, he requested a visa to return home but was denied.  Sammy had enough, deciding to take his chances and make a run for it.

Government to raise revenue by introducing random speed limits

Government to raise revenue by introducing random speed limits.

September 3, 2019

Almost 100 drivers were fined for speeding on a motorway despite highways officials admitting the 20mph limit was set by mistake – but the motorists’ convictions will still stand despite the admission. The department for transport soon realised this could be a nice little earner and have implemented a random speed limit generator across the UK.

Bear Grylls blames bee sting for shocking face-lift

Bear Grylls blames bee sting for shocking face-lift

August 31, 2019

Bear was filming his latest special on a far-flung Pacific island, which is also the home of disgraced plastic surgeon Dr Ernest Feelgood. The Doctor had been credited with such atrocities as: Kim Kardashian’s arse, Simon Cowell’s face and Carol Vordermans’ entire body.