Early heatwave may be delayed due to Brexit red-tape

Early heatwave may be delayed due to Brexit red-tape

March 25, 2019

Weather experts are predicting a three-month heatwave next month that could see temperatures climb to 26 degrees as a warm front drifts in from Africa.
But, in order for it get to the UK it must pass over Northern Europe which could spell a disaster as it is held up in Brexit red-tape.

“We can literally make any old bollocks up and you’ll believe us” says astronomist

“We can literally make any old bollocks up and you’ll believe us” says astronomist.

February 21, 2019

“An asteroid the size of Big Ben is expected to skim past earth later on tonight” says a spokesperson for NASA”  But, equally I could tell you that a dozen space monkeys were going to cartwheel passed Jupiter and you’d be none the wiser.” He went on to tell The NewsDump “It’s because I have a massive telescope and you don’t, so I can make any old shit up and you have no choice but to believe me.”

KFC ‘thick cut’ chips object to being fat shamed.

February 6, 2019

“We are larger and proud of how we look. We are totally comfortable in our skin. The French Fries might look skinner and think they are glamorous living in the Mediterranean but this is the UK and we need to be accepted and respected for who we are.”

Cheryl no longer sure what her surname is either

Cheryl no longer sure what her surname is either.

February 4, 2019

It was an emotional weekend for Cheryl as she broke down and cried during two dance performances on Saturday’s episode of The Greatest Dancer despite  them both being just dancers doing dancing and that. And now it can be revealed that she is as confused as the rest of us as to what her surname actually is. We know it started with Tweedy and then it all gets a bit hazy. There was definitely a double barrelled one for a short time.  Now she’s given up trying to remember and just settled on Cheryl.