The BBC has unreservedly apologised to Home Secretary Priti Patel after she was accused of smirking during Andrew Marr’s show last week. This follows revelations that she has been battling her smirking addiction ‘for most of her adult life’.
In-keeping with the rolling back of its prices, Asda is also planning on rolling back its attitude to its employees…
UK coastguards have today announced that they have intercepted a number of cancers attempting to cross the channel in search of a ‘better and longer life’ in the United Kingdom. It follows this morning’s news that the UK is lagging behind its continental counterparts when it comes to patient survival rates.
Former Eurovision winner Jay Aston has announced that she is going to stand as an MP for the Brexit Party, in the London seat of Kensington, despite stating that she wants to ‘uphold democracy’. However, former band members have said that this is a cry for help and that their former colleague has never accepted that the Land of Make Believe was simply a shit pop song and not a prophecy.
It is not only the British public who are astonished at the appointing of Boris Johnson as Prime Minister. The Whitehouse have confirmed that President Trump has invited his old pal Kim Jong-un to ‘the mother of all parties’ tonight where they will celebrate the incredible rise of their fellow idiot.