Trump denies attempt to hide warship – but admits making the US constitution disappear

Trump claims Native American cyber attack led to downfall of General Custer

July 5, 2019

President Trump has today condemned the ‘underhand tactics’ of the Native Americans at the Battle of Little Bighorn as being ‘unfair’ and in direct contradiction to The Geneva Convention. Claiming that the Arapaho tribe hacked into Custer’s iMac and looked at his secret battle plans, before sharing the information with their Lakota and Nothern Cheyenne counterparts, Trump branded their actions as ‘cowardly and deceitful’.

European Parliament ‘disgusted’ as Brexit Party MEPs turn back to face them

European Parliament ‘disgusted’ as Brexit Party MEPs turn back to face them

July 3, 2019

“We had just been served a working brunch of sandwiches and croissants when the Brexit Party members turned around. It is very difficult to stomach anything when you are looking at the likes of Anne Widdecombe and Nigel Farage only a matter of feet away, so we appreciated that they had the good manners to turn their hideous forms away from us as we ate.”

‘Football Pitch’ of Amazon lost every minute; Jungle FA cancels Tree Top Cup Final

‘Football Pitch’ of Amazon lost every minute; Jungle FA cancels Tree Top Cup Final

July 3, 2019

The Jungle FA have expressed their disgust at the continuing annihilation of their facilities after the latest jungle destruction caused the postponement and eventual cancellation of this year’s Tree Top Cup Final. The match, due to be played on Saturday 3rdAugust between the Golden Lion Tamarins and the Three Toed Sloths, has now been officially declared a draw and both teams will have their names carved into the tree of greatness.