Theresa May is due to leave Number 10 next week. However, due to a lack of planning, she’s requested an extension to the 31st October.
“This is one giant leap for mankind, so can you please hold my tiny hand and help me down?” says Trump.
July 18, 2019It’s been fifty years this week since Apollo 11 landed on the moon! Here’s 8 fascinating (oh, yes they are!) facts that you may or may not know related to the moon landing, or nine if you count this sentence.
Labour Leadership outraged as Sunday Express give Farage credit for all their hard work.
July 14, 2019The Sunday Express led their article with the headline, “FARAGE PLAN TO WIPE OUT LABOUR”. Labour have raised a complaint against the Sunday Express with the Independent Press Standards Organisation as the paper was clearly giving Nigel Farage credit for all the Labour Leadership’s hard work.
Amber Rudd hires Nigerian prince to investigate internet universal credit claimants scam
July 9, 2019Tens of millions of pounds of public money is believed to have been stolen with claimants left owing hundreds after fraudsters targeted Britain’s main welfare benefit, universal credit. The Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Amber Rudd, has reassured claimants that she will get all the money back after hiring an internet crime specialist to investigate, a Nigerian prince called DI Kate Fleming.
Labour takes self to court as NDA-breaking warning letters breach Labour’s NDA
July 8, 2019The Labour Party is now taking the Labour Party to court as revealing the existence of the NDA in the letter is a breach of their NDA. A spokesperson from the Labour Party tried to explain that this had occurred because the left hand of the Labour Party didn’t know what the other left hand of the Labour Party was doing; but struggled to do so because one of those hands had been placed across his mouth.
Archie’s godparents’ names kept secret to avoid Dodi and Diana coming out of hiding
July 6, 2019Archie’s great-grandmother, the Queen, is unable to attend because of a prior commitment. However, the Duke of Edinburgh is thought to be attending along with his shotgun after he was heard muttering, “If you need a job done properly, you have to do it yourself.”
May restricted Boris’ access to intelligence. “See! Not my fault I’m a blundering fool!” says an opportunistic Johnson.
July 5, 2019Downing Street attempted to withhold intelligence in MI6 from Boris Johnson when he became foreign secretary, the BBC has learned. Sources close to Mr Johnson said he had access to everything he needed to see. So nothing, then.
Teenager Cori Gauff may be forced to pull out of Wimbledon as next match starts before she gets out of bed at midday.
July 4, 2019Having reached the third round of Wimbledon, Cori Gauff will receive at least £111,000. Which means she now holds the record for the highest paid summer job in her class.
“Chris Williamson’s membership will now only be active on the Sabbath” say Labour
June 29, 2019For the Jewish faith, the Sabbath is a time with no television, no rushing to the demands of the telephone or a busy work schedule. So it’s the perfect time for Chris Williamson to avoid any clashes with the Jewish community.
Michael Gove arrested for impersonating Boris Johnson’s partner
June 23, 2019Ms Symonds was allegedly heard to have said, “You just don’t care for anything because you’re spoilt. You have no care for money or anything.” Which does sound like the sort of thing Michael Gove would say.
