“There's no culture of fear in government - and I’ll sack anyone who disagrees” insists Dominic Cummings

“There’s no culture of fear in government – and I’ll sack anyone who disagrees” insists Dominic Cummings

September 1, 2019

A furious Sajid Javid confronted Boris Johnson on Friday and demanded an explanation as to why his media adviser Sonia Khan was sacked without his knowledge, amid claims that a deep “culture of fear” has taken hold within the government. With a grin Boris Johnson told Sajid Javid if he didn’t like it to take it up with his strategist Dominic Cummings. According to sources Javid is said to have gulped and muttered under his breath “the Great Bus Deceiver? I dare not” before slowly backing away. 

Boris Johnson orders England to throw the Ashes to secure future trade deal with Australia

Boris Johnson orders England to throw the Ashes to secure future trade deal with Australia

August 24, 2019

Leaked documents found in captain Joe Root’s helmet reveal that Boris Johnson had encouraged the England team to “valiantly defend their wicket in the manner of the Romans at the battle of Cannae”. We asked a Classics Professor what the heck Johnson was waffling on about and he said “basically the Romans got the shit kicked out of them at Cannae”.
It has been revealed that this collapse was under the express orders of Prime Minister Boris Johnson so that the United Kingdom can secure a more favourable trade deal with Australia after Brexit. 

Lucifer fears Farage-Johnson pact is an attempted coup

Lucifer fears Farage-Johnson pact is an attempted coup

July 24, 2019

Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage has said he is open to an electoral pact with the Conservative Party – if Boris Johnson is genuine about taking the UK out of the EU on 31 October. On hearing this news Lucifer spread his monstrous wings and solemnly said “it begins…”