Piers Morgan has been defending himself on Twitter, following discussions of his and attacks on women in the media. This has led to many calling the professional sexist, xenophobe, and serial harasser a ‘festering pile of shit’, a statement many would say is ‘pretty accurate’.
Sajid Javid has abandoned his pre-election pledge to end austerity after he ordered cabinet ministers to draw up cuts of up to 5 per cent of their spending plans. He officially reneged on his promise, and celebrated Brexit, by tying a homeless man to a railway track while cackling maniacally, as a hurried and frantic piano piece played nearby.
The UK will formally leaves the European Union at 23:00 on Friday, 31 January. As the date approaches, the nation has become terrified by the gradual disintegration of everything in the country from before 1973, the molecules disappearing from the timestream as the country reverts back to the ‘good old days’.
Health Secretary Matt Hancock has said that the risk of the Chinese Coronavirus entering the UK ‘remains low’. Fascist political organisation Britain First have ignored these reports, and said they are not taking any chances with a ‘foreign’ virus entering the country. Members of the party have been patrolling the coastlines of the country, armed with dettol wipes, spray bottles of cif, and water pistols full of Cillit bang.
A study by the Resolution Foundation has shown that average low-income households are likely to be worse off under the Conservative Government. This is in part due to the new ‘Dirty Scroungers’ Tax to be implemented on anybody on Universal credit, from a working class household, or living anywhere above Milton Keynes.