Britons will be charged €7 every 3 years to visit the EU. The same cost as a piss-poor pint in a London pub.

December 14, 2018

The ETIAS (European Travel Information and Authorization System) is expected to come into force in 2021. By which point most Britons will be too heavily engaged in fighting with friends and families over the last tin of mushy peas in the local convenience store and struggling to remember what electricity used to be like to take advantage of what is actually pretty good value for money.

The Paris Riots. More PR Coup than Coup d’état.

December 8, 2018

Parisians on all sides unite in an attempt to shed their old-fashioned ‘city of love’ image.

“Who wants to visit a place famous for being the world’s city of love’ anyway, when the very concept of ‘love’ has been tarnished by shows such as Love Island, and reduced to the image of two gym addicts rutting away like rabbits?”

Teenager jailed over hoax bomb threat that closed schools. Start of his sentence delayed, thanks to “unrelated” anonymous bomb threat closing prisons.

December 7, 2018

A teenager who sent thousands of hoax bomb threats to schools, causing some of them to close for a number of days, has been jailed for three years. Pupils at schools across the country are reported to have gathered in silence shortly after the sentencing to pay homage to their revered ‘fam’ George Duke-Cohan, the ‘legend’ who got them a day or two off school in March this year.