Doctors have today confirmed that Boris Johnson’s chronic inability to tell the truth is not something that can ever be cured.
John Bercow says he will stand down as Commons Speaker and MP at the next election or on 31 October, whichever comes first. Boris Johnson has responded to the news with the announcement that the traditional position of Speaker of the House will be abolished, and that the post is to be replaced with a sentry gun.
Boris Johnson has warned rebel Tory MPs that Jeremy Corbyn will take over and “plunge the country into chaos” if they fail to back him. The Prime Minister, who in a very short space of time has already proven himself to be an even worse leader than his predecessor Theresa May, is facing the possibility of a general election after causing anger by proroguing parliament last week under the instruction of his evil overlord Dominic Cummings.