With Theresa May looking set to buckle under the Brexit pressure, you might think it was almost time for Jeremy to shine. But there are some pretty compelling reasons why Corbyn won’t end up being the next Prime Minister. Here are just 9 of them.
Theresa May narrowly survived the vote of no confidence – and now has less than a week to come up with a plan for a problem she couldn’t fix when she had two years. That brings the post-apocalyptic, post-Brexit dystopian future that we’ve all been joking about one huge step closer to becoming a reality. But it’s not all doom and gloom.
Unless the PM finds yet another way to delay the inevitable, today’s the day that MPs will finally get to vote on her controversial Brexit deal. She postponed last time because she knew she’d lose. This time, she claims to be more confident. Which means she must’ve finally found a way to keep those naughty little scamps in line. And we’ve managed to obtain a leaked document detailing her strategy.
The think tank’s finance guru Scrooge McDuck adds: “Eventually, our hope is that these for banks stop being so dependent on donations – and become proper, profitable businesses. Ones that don’t need our help! Once Brexit’s tanked the rest of the economy, we expect privatised, for-profit food banks to become the fastest growing sector for the UK”.