It has also been reported that four of Mr Pence’s aides were also injured, after they sprained their arms all trying to hold the vice president’s tongue.
Mr van Beurden’s father, Ben van Beurden Sr, aged 98, is arguably the most thrilled by the salary increase. “All he did was sit in his room on his Xbox, swearing at 12-year-olds online for cheating at FIFA” said van Beurden Sr. “He barely ever did his chores. His Lamborghini hasn’t been washed in weeks and the van Gogh in the conservatory is filthy”.
“The incident was horrific, f**king terrifying” said one of the witnesses, Gordon. “I just couldn’t believe someone would do that. I mean, whoever threw that f**king Eggs Benedict with smoked salmon and Hollandaise sauce ought to be f**king ashamed, it looked f**king sh*t”. Mr Ramsay did continue to explain his thoughts on the food thrown; however, there just aren’t enough stars in the world to cover up the rest of what he said.
“I’ve never heard someone so bad at scamming. He started off by telling me his full name and position in government and then went on to beg me for the full £33 million. Apparently he didn’t have enough credit on his Nokia 3310 to call the twenty-five million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand other houses”.