The PM is reported to have breathed a huge sigh of relief, and returned to a pink fluffy robe that hasn’t been washed for three months. Curled up on her sofa, there is still speculation as to whether she’s watching ‘The Umbrella Academy or Orange is the New Black’.
March 15th marks the Ides of March – a prominent date in the Roman calendar most famous for the stabbing of Julius Caesar. The Tory MP expressed dismay at the futility of teenagers being killed. ‘The people stabbing them didn’t even gain a political advantage? What was the point? What are we teaching these kids?’
Elsewhere, Google were recently fined record £44m by French data protection watchdog CNIL for failing to provide users with transparent and understandable information on its data use policies. The fine is the biggest ever laid out for a tech company and is expected to take the search giant literally minutes to recoup the losses.
The public are being warned to stay indoors to avoid the risk of neighbours or coworkers saying something banal and annoying like ‘oh hasn’t the temperature dropped’ or ‘do you think it’s going to settle? I don’t think it’s going to settle.’ or ‘the last time I felt this cold was when I hugged my mother in law.’
Marie’s philosophy is the ‘KonMar’ method – where you get rid of an object if looking at it doesn’t ‘spark joy’ The result has been catastrophic for some as they have thrown away some really quite important medicines; when seeing them, they don’t feel joy – just a sad reminder of their health problems.