HS2- Slightly quicker trainline massively over budget

HS2: Slightly quicker trainline massively over budget

July 20, 2019

The DfT said a review of HS2’s costs is continuing, although there has been a slight delay to the review while Mr Cook’s PA tries to find a luxury hotel with a Michelin Star buffet for the important meeting to discuss why the project has run over budget.

Ancient Egyptian council house opens to the public

Ancient Egyptian council house opens to the public.

July 15, 2019

Cairo University lecturer Bob Bobson described the ancient Egyptian council home as ‘like other pyramids but a bit shoddy’. The pyramid is one of just 7 seven council homes built under Snefru’s pharaohship despite a number of headlines in newspapyrus’ from the time quoting the pharaoh and the opposition leaders promising to plough funds into tackling the housing crisis.

Palace intruder confirms Queen farts in bed

Palace intruder confirms Queen farts in bed

July 11, 2019

The man who cannot be named was allegedly caught after he entered the Queen’s bedchamber and gagged on the eggy smell, alerting guards to his presence. As he was escorted to a police car the man was an odd shade of green and looked visibly ill.

Pogba Latest: shock as well paid footballer turns up for work!

July 7, 2019

Shockwaves reverberated across the UK this morning as news broke that a man with a well-paid job had turned up to work. He received widespread applause from fans after he was asked to go on an 18 day tour of Australia in which he’ll be expected to work for up to 6 hours – and didn’t pull a strop.

Scientists tell Ann Widdecombe they can't work on 'gay cure' due to post-Brexit funding cuts

“Slaves wrote 93% of the rules – but their evil masters denied them flammable sofas” says Widdecombe

July 5, 2019

The Brexit Party MEP, whose research in to the slave trade extends to skim reading a Wikipedia post and watching Youtube videos of Nigel Farage, said she has ‘credible evidence that slaves were responsible for writing or influencing 93% of the rules they were expected to live by’ but that ‘their evil overseers breached their human rights by denying them the chance to buy a flammable sofa’.